Thursday, October 29, 2015


If you've been following my blog since the beginning, you know I make some questionable choices from time to time. There's one in particular that I want to discuss, because I was just reminded of it, on national television.

Let's rewind to 2010. I'm 19, just starting to come out and only my siblings and closest friends know I'm gay. I was also seeing my amazing on-campus counselor Lauren every Friday afternoon. On one Friday, I decided to tell Lauren that I had met a guy on OkCupid, who was a model out in LA. We were texting each other on a pretty frequent basis and we were Skyping about 4 nights a week, for up to several hours at a time.

I just thought it was fun, but I knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn't go anywhere. To be realistic, he lived across the country and I was focused on school. I had never done anything with a guy before and this whole experience was so liberating, because I was finally able to flirt with a guy and release years of emotions that I kept bottled. He was hot and I was enjoying the giddy feelings I got while flirting with this kid through the computer screen.

Well about six weeks after texting and skyping, he told me he was flying to FL to visit me. I was like 'sayyyy whaaaat?!' So fast-forward,  I agree to this and he flies cross-country to live with me in my dorm room, against my counselor and best friend's better judgment. He and I went out on a date or two, took a weekend trip to Tallahassee and he was my first gay kiss. The first date we went on (which was my first date I had ever been on in my life) was to the movies. How cliché, right? haha We saw the absolute worst horror movie called My Soul to Take. It was painfully bad.

I was ready for him to leave once the end of the week rolled around. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but he didn't fly across the country just for me. He's a die hard FSU fan and attends the football games every year, so he was coming to FL regardless. Our personalities just didn't click and school was just starting to get intense at the time, since I was finishing up my gen ed classes. After he left for Cali, we Skyped one more time before I cut communication between us. I basically said the long-distance wasn't going to work and I needed to focus on myself, school, socializing and my future. The last image I ever had, embedded in my mind, was him weeping on our video chat while I was telling him this.

It was awkward, so I clicked out of the chat and carried on with my life.

Five years later, I see him while watching the Ellen show the other day! haha I was like 'wait, why does that kid look so familiar, where do I know him from??" As soon as I made the connection, I dropped the remote and busted out laughing. He's "Umberto" in the light blue button-down.

 Much Love Guys!

Sunday, October 18, 2015


I was NOT having it that morning. I had been up the night before till 5 AM working on a commission. My alarm started blaring an hour and a half later thanks to being summoned for Jury Duty! I felt like a zombie and I don't drink coffee. If you've never been chosen, here's how it goes down:

You enter the Court House, empty your pockets and walk through a metal detector, similar to an airport and all the jurors are directed to the Jury room. The three women at the front of the room ask everyone to form two, single-file lines. Come to find out, I was supposed to bring my parking stub in, so I had to walk all the way back to my car and retrieve it and repeat that entire process over again. It was also 85 degrees by 8AM that morning, so I really enjoyed that stroll back to the parking garage The stairwell smelled like a McDonald's Play Place. The woman told me she wouldn't call my name for a case until I returned, so you best believe I took my sweet ass time strolling back.

I eventually made it back and the room was completely packed. I awkwardly found an empty seat in the center of a row, so I shimmied and shuffled to it, repeatedly whispering "excuse me, pardon me," like an asshole. I started reading my book and about twenties minutes later, my name was echoed through the speakers. Myself and two dozen other jurors walked in silence to the entrance of court room 14B on the 14th floor.

When I'm anxious, I can't eat. I was stressing over that commission I had been up all night working on, which needed to be expedited the following day. I was so nervous that I was going to be chosen for the case which was going to interfere with the project. The lawyers asked me and the other two dozen jurors question after question and I legit thought I was going to fall asleep in the wooden pew they had us sitting in. My eyes were so heavy and I felt so disrespectful for yawning every 30 seconds. Trying to focus and appear presentable while you're running on E is no easy task.

Luckily, I wasn't one of the seven jurors selected for the specific case. Thank God. Probably because they could tell I looked like shit. The man pressing charges for this personal injury case, however, was looking real cute. He was in his late 20's, tall, wearing sexy nerd glasses and had a baseball player's body. He was hit in a car accident and suing for back pain and medical bills. To be honest, I would have probably voted in his favor, just because he was attractive. How bad is that? I just sat there praying that the lawyers wouldn't call on me to speak, so I could sit there in my daze, fantasizing about having sex with him.

Luckily, after three hours of questions, the judge and lawyers deliberated and the seven jurors were chosen. I ran out of there so fast, handed in my badge and booked it for the parking garage. I was so exhausted/hungry that my brain was in a complete fog. The only things on my mind were FOOD and SLEEP, in that order.

On my way home, I turned on the radio and the same Lauren Daigle song that I had heard while driving to the courthouse was playing. This blanket of peace wrapped itself around me during the entirety of the song. I went from feeling ungrounded, to very calm and tranquil. It was such a strange, yet beautiful feeling that I can't really describe.

As soon as I returned home, I inhaled food, passed out for a solid four hours and than jumped on my computer. Whenever I hear a song I really like on the radio, I repeat them to Siri and than screenshot my phone. That way I can figure out the song on Google and look up the artist and download it to my iTouch. That day I discovered Lauren and fell in LOVE with her. Her voice is so beautiful. Not only that, she is hysterical in interviews and in videos that she posts on her Instagram.

For the past several weeks, I've been listening to her music on repeat and I feel so uplifted and happy! In honor of how much I appreciate her, I decided to draw her!

She's preforming in Fort Lauderdale on October 30th so I'm framing the drawing and hopefully I can give it to her in person!

Moral of the story: God is looking out for us, always. Notice the messages, some can be as simple as a song. A song that leads to the discovery of a new favorite artist, which leads to seeing them in concert, which might lead to a cool new connection! God works in the weirdest, yet most wonderful ways. I must have prayed 50 times that I wouldn't have to go to Jury Duty, but I'm so happy I did, or else I wouldn't have discovered Lauren when I needed to.

If you've never listened to her music before, check her out!!! I hope her music encourages, inspires and uplifts you like it does for me. First, O Lord and Light of the World are my favs!!
Much love guys!

Friday, September 18, 2015

Positive Vibes!

Hi everyone!

What I've learned most over the last few months is: Don't be afraid, just have faith. It's so simple, right? Just have faith in God and in yourself. Choose faith over fear.

What I struggle with is doubt. Especially doubt that I won't succeed.

I'm 24, self-employed as a free-lance artist and living with my parents. I was embarrassed for a while and lost the faith I had in myself. The quote "comparison is the thief of joy" is SO true! I constantly compare myself to other people my age. While I feel such joy for the people in my life who are doing so well for themselves, I also felt sorrow for myself, because I'm not at the level of success they're at. But I now know that's okay, we're all on a different life path and if YOU work hard enough, you can make your dreams come true. Just have faith!

Compared to the level of drive I had when I first graduated, to the level of drive I have now, lets just say I was slacking off. I was working like 25 hours a week and I figured things would be spoon-fed to me. I had this preconceived idea that every single celebrity I drew would give me a shout out and I would rise to artist prestige within a few years. My artwork wasn't even that magnificent two years ago, especially in relation to what I'm creating now. I will never stop growing as an artist and that's completely humbling to know AND super exciting! I think my work is hot shit right now, I can't wait to see what I'm producing in 5...10 years from now!

As long as I'm working for the right reasons and I'm happy, that's all I want. The current Bible verse I have written on my white board is Colossians 3:23, which says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." How amazing is that!? So many people work for the paycheck and they're stuck in jobs that suck the life out of them, not jobs that fill them with life. Personally being in a profession that brings me a sense of purpose and intense passion is a gift in itself.

In order to be more productive and get my life back on the right track, I simply started listening to primarily uplifting music and changed my schedule around.

Lauren Daigle is my current favorite artist. I'm one of those people that will listen to the same song over and over if I'm connecting to it. Needless to say, I've been blasting Lauren all week. I'm utterly obsessed with this girl. Her voice, her music, her beauty and for her courage to share her gift with the world as an artist is so inspiring.

For the past month, I've been working (drawing) about 60 hours a week and more than doubled my work time. I'm blown away by how much better my work is looking and how much faster I'm able to produce it. Plus, I feel awesome at the end of the day. There's nothing more gratifying than going to bed at night and looking back at how productive and meaningful your day was.

I have more drive than I ever have in my entire life. I've never worked so hard and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me as I continue to push myself.

Much love guys.


Saturday, July 18, 2015

FullyRawKristina is my Straight Crush

One of the greatest feelings in the world is when my hard work and love that I put into my art is noticed, especially when it's from one of the people I look up to most. I love Kristina and everything she represents. I'm pretty sure everyone knows this by now because I've drawn her a half a dozen times haha Shortly after I posted this drawing my brother text me 'She's going to think you're some weird stalker'.

It never even occurred to me that I could appear weird or stalker-ish by drawing her multiple times. The last time I drew her was ten months ago, so I've come to the conclusion that I'll wait at least nine months or so before producing a new drawing of her. haha

I continuously draw her for many reasons. The first is the fact that she changed my life and has educated me in such an immense way. Creating fun portraits of K is my way of showing her my love and gratitude. I'm becoming aware that a lot of the things I learned in school related to food and health were lies, in particular the food pyramid, and I'm extremely grateful for social media and how it's connected me to people and discovering the truth.

Even if you're not vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian, etc., I really encourage you to listen to Kristina's story. You'll be inspired by it. She's living proof of just how powerful and vital fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds are to our diet. That's all she's eaten for the last DECADE. No meats, no cheeses, no processed 'food like products'...just real food that grows from the Earth. As she says, "a little dirt never hurt."

I truly believe she's changing this world. Behind the pretty face and mermaid hair is a super driven and intelligent chick. She went to Vanderbilt and Rice on scholarships, has an organic juice brand, runs the nations largest produce co-op, has a book being published and released in January, appeared multiple times on ABC news, filmed a commercial for Evamor water, etc.

I can't wait to meet this girl one day.

How handsome is Lewis Howes?!!
Much love guys.

Friday, June 26, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Animal Cruelty

“Do you know why most survivors of the Holocaust are vegan? It's because they know what it's like to be treated like an animal.” -Chuck Palahniuk

Prints available at

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Dragonflies

The dragonfly has inhabited Earth for 300 million years and holds a spiritual meaning amongst different cultures. For the Mayan, the dragonfly is the emblematic animal of the goddess of creativity, Ix Chel. To the Japanese, it symbolizes summer and autumn and the Samurai use it as a symbol of power, agility and victory. In China, people associate the dragonfly with prosperity, harmony and as a good luck charm. Amongst Native Americans, it is a sign of happiness, speed and purity.

The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world, also symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization. Some cultures believe the dragonfly’s flight across water represents an act of going beyond what’s on the surface and looking into the deeper implications and aspects of life.

A dragonfly can move at up to 38 miles an hour, hover like a helicopter, fly backwards like a hummingbird, fly straight up, down and on either side. Its swiftness and flexibility allows it to fly in all six directions, exuding a sense of power and poise.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Consciousness Series: GMOs

In more than 60 countries around the world, there are significant restrictions or outright bans on the production and sale of GMOs. By mixing genes from totally unrelated species, genetic engineering unleashes a host of unpredictable side effects like new toxins, allergens, carcinogens, and nutritional deficiencies.

Over 80% of all GMOs grown worldwide are engineered for herbicide tolerance. As a result, use of toxic herbicides like Roundup has ...increased 15 times since GMOs were introduced. Scientific studies have linked Roundup herbicide to cause birth defects and organ damage in animals, as well as Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer's disease, autism and cancer in humans.

Because GMOs are novel life forms, biotechnology companies have been able to obtain patents with which to restrict their use. As a result, the companies that make GMOs now have the power to sue farmers whose fields are contaminated with GMOs, even when it is the result of inevitable drift from neighboring fields.

The FDA has legalized GMOs in the United States, does not mandate labeling of GMOs and allows companies to put their GM foods onto the market. Their justification was the claim that they had no information showing that GM foods were substantially different.

Scientists who have discovered problems with GMOs have been attacked, fired, threatened, and denied funding. Attempts by media to expose problems are also often censored by payoff.

Monsanto is the multi-billion dollar company behind many of the pesticides and genetically engineered seeds, found in 40 percent of US crops. Despite its various marketing incarnations over the years, Monsanto is a chemical company that got its start selling saccharin (an artificial sweetener about 300–400 times as sweet as sucrose or table sugar) to Coca-Cola, then Agent Orange to the U.S. military.

Buy organic foods from local farmers and green markets when possible, plant a vegetable garden, and become more self-sustainable.

Prints available at

Monday, June 22, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Mushroom Forest

Psilocybin mushrooms, also known as psychedelic mushrooms, magic mushrooms and shrooms, are mushrooms that contain the psychedelic compounds psilocybin and psilocin.

The psychedelic drug in magic mushrooms may have lasting medical and spiritual benefits, according to new research by Ronald Griffiths from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Maryland.

A 2011 study involved 18 healthy adults, average age 46, who participated in five, eight-hour sessions with either psilocybin at varying doses or placebo. Nearly all the volunteers were college graduates and 78% participated regularly in religious activities; all were interested in spiritual experience.

Ultimately, Griffiths and his colleagues want to see if the same kind of psychedelic experience could help ease anxiety and fear over the long term in cancer patients or others facing death. Researchers are also studying whether transcendental experiences could help spur recovery from addiction and treat other psychological problems like depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Fourteen months after participating in the study, 94% of those who received the drug said the experiment was one of the top five most meaningful experiences of their lives; 39% said it was the single most meaningful experience.

Prints available at

Saturday, June 20, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Save the Bees

Since the late 1990s, beekeepers around the world have observed the mysterious and sudden disappearance of bees, and report unusually high rates of decline in honeybee colonies. Bees make more than honey, they are key to food production around the world because they pollinate crops. A third of the food that we eat depends on pollinating insects, including carrots, apricots, apples, avocados, blueberries, cherries, cucumbers, onion, grapefruit, orange, pumpkins, blackberries, cantaloupe, cranberries, peaches, watermelon, almonds, coriander, beans, plums, cotton, alfalfa and dozens more.

Over three million colonies in America and billions of bees worldwide have died since 2006. Scientists had struggled to find the trigger for so-called Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) that has wiped out an estimated 10 million beehives, worth $2 billion. The main reasons for global bees-decline are industrial agriculture, parasites/pathogens and climate change. The loss of biodiversity, destruction of habitat and lack of forage due to monocultures and bee-killing pesticides are particular threats for honeybees and wild pollinators. It is becoming increasingly evident that some insecticides, at concentrations applied routinely in the current chemical-intensive agriculture system, exert clear, negative effects on the health of pollinators, both individually and at the colony level.

A study issued by the Harvard School of Public Health found that two widely used neonicotinoids, a class of insecticide, appear to significantly harm honey bee colonies over the winter. Surveys found total colony losses averaged 30 percent over the last eight-year span.

Last year, the European Union banned neonicotinoids and GMO's used for corn and other crops, as well as on home lawns and gardens.

Monsanto and other agrichemical companies lay much of the blame for die-offs on the "varroa mite," an Asian bee parasite first found in the United States in 1987.

“If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would have only four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man.” - Albert Einstein

Prints available at

Friday, June 19, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Wish

Seeds are magic, potent vessels of nature. They hold entire intelligent blueprints for life. They can lie dormant for ages before the conditions are ripe for them to burst into life. As a beautiful metaphor for consciousness, a seed represents the divine design within all things. A symbol of creation.

The seed of life pattern is made of seven interlocking circles. Some beliefs see these seven circles as the seven days in which God created life. Once all seven circles were formed, the seed of life was born.

Prints available at


Thursday, June 18, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Alien

The Milky Way Galaxy, the galaxy that contains our Solar System, is 100,000 light years (light year=186,000 miles a second) in diameter. The Milky Way contains over 100 billion planets and 300 billion stars. The Milky Way Galaxy is dwarfed by most galaxies, including M87, an elliptical galaxy 980,000 light years in diameter and Hercules, which is 1.5 million light year across. The Milky Way Galaxy houses our planet Earth (7,926 miles in diamete...r) is a single galaxy in a universe containing 100 billion galaxies with 100 billion stars in each galaxy.

Prints available at


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Like a Dream

The Flower of Life is a name for a geometrical figure composed of seven or more evenly-spaced, overlapping circles. This figure, used as a decorative motif since ancient times, forms a flower-like pattern with the symmetrical structure of a hexagon.

The perfect form, proportion and harmony of the flower of life has been known to philosophers, architects and artist around the world, including Leonardo da Vinci.

One interesting feature of the Flower of Life is that evidence of its importance can be found in almost every major culture around the world. It can be seen in temples within the Forbidden City of China, synagogues in Israel, in the Buddhist temples of India and Japan, in the City of Ephesus in Turkey, carved into rock in Assyria, in Italian art from the 13th century, the Temple of Osiris in Abydos, Egypt and in the Mosque-Cathedral of Cordoba, Spain originally dedicated to Saint Vincent.


Monday, June 15, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Mother Earth

The Earth is 4.6 billion years old. Scaling to 46 years, humans have been here 4 hours, the industrial revolution began 1 minute ago, and in that time we’ve destroyed more than half the world’s forests.

Unbelievably, more than 200,000 acres of rainforest are burned every day. That is more than 150 acres lost every minute of every day, and 78 million acres lost every year. More than 20 percent of the Amazon rainforest is already gone, and... much more is severely threatened as the destruction continues. The rain forest produces half of its own precipitation and about 20% of earth's oxygen is produced by the Amazon rainforest.

“Forests … are in fact the world’s air-conditioning system—the very lungs of the planet—and help to store the largest body of freshwater on the planet … essential to produce food for our planet’s growing population. The rainforests of the world also provide the livelihoods of more than a billion of the poorest people on this Earth… In simple terms, the rainforests, which encircle the world, are our very life-support system—and we are on the verge of switching it off.” -Prince Charles

Prints available at

Sunday, June 14, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Toxins

It's no secret that almost all conventional household cleaners contain some toxic ingredients. Many contain carcinogens or suspected carcinogens, as well. When consumers buy commercial cleaning products, we expect them to do one thing, clean.

We use a wide array of scents, soaps, detergents, bleaching agents, softeners, polishes, and specialized cleaners for bathrooms, glass, drains, and ovens. But while the chemicals in cleaners foam, bleach..., and disinfect to make our dishes, bathtubs and countertops gleaming and germ-free, many also contribute to indoor air pollution, are poisonous if ingested and can be harmful if inhaled or touched. In fact, some cleaners are among the most toxic products found in the home. Some cause acute or immediate hazards, such as skin or respiratory irritation, watery eyes, or chemical burns, while others are associated with chronic, or long-term effects, such as cancer.

The most acutely dangerous cleaning products are corrosive drain cleaners, oven cleaners, and acidic toilet bowl cleaners, according to Philip Dickey of the Washington Toxics Coalition. The National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health has found that one-third of the substances used in the fragrance industry are toxic. But because the chemical formulas of fragrances are considered trade secrets, companies aren't required to list their ingredients but merely label them as containing "fragrance."

After cleaning liquids disappear down our drains, they are treated along with sewage and other waste water at municipal treatment plants, then discharged into nearby waterways. Most ingredients in chemical cleaners break down into harmless substances during treatment or soon afterward. Others, however, do not, threatening water quality or fish and other wildlife.

Another environmental concern with cleaning products is that many use chemicals that are petroleum-based, contributing to the depletion of this non-renewable resource and increasing our nation's dependence on imported oil.

 Prints available at

Saturday, June 13, 2015

The Consciousness Series: Utopia

Cannabis is an extremely safe and effective medication for many patients with chronic pain. In stark contrast to opioids and other available pain medications, cannabis has the best safety record of any known pain medication (no deaths attributed to overdose or direct effects of medication).

Thankfully, marijuana is becoming more mainstream. In the United States, more than 20 states have legalized it in some form, and several others are mullin...g relaxing their pot laws. Four states and Washington, D.C. allow recreational marijuana. Nineteen states allow it for medical purposes, and 14 have decriminalized it.

Here are just a few of the medicinal powers of marijuana:

Weed can be used to treat Glaucoma. It can help control epileptic seizures. It also decreases the symptoms of a severe seizure disorder known as Dravet's Syndrome. A chemical found in marijuana stops cancer cells from spreading in the lab. THC may slow the progression of Alzheimer's disease and decrease anxiety. The plant eases the pain of multiple sclerosis. It lessens side effects from treating hepatitis C and increases treatment effectiveness. Marijuana treats inflammatory bowel diseases, including Crohn's disease. It relieves arthritis discomfort. Pot soothes tremors for people with Parkinson's disease. Marijuana helps veterans suffering from PTSD. Naturally occurring cannabinoids, similar to THC, help regulate the system that causes fear and anxiety in the body and brain. Marijuana also protects the brain after a stroke, by reducing the size of the area affected by the stroke.

Prints available at

Monday, June 8, 2015

Spacemov and Chill

I discovered an epic website a few weeks ago that plays free HD movies!

The website is

I watch the movies on my phone, just to be on the safe, and they play perfectly!

I've caught up on some movies that I've been wanting to see for awhile now! Here's a list of the movies in order from my favorite to least favorite:

Kingsman: The Secret Service (R)
Ex Machina (R)
Spy (R)
Interstellar (PG-13)
Mad Max: Fury Road (R)
Gone Girl (R)
Nightcrawler (R)
Lucy (R)
Cinderella (PG)
The Duff (PG-13)
Maleficent (PG)
Fifty Shades of Grey (R)

If you haven't seen Fifty Shades of Grey, don't bother. I read the book and I honestly don't know which one I hate more. How on Earth did that book get so famous? It's utter garbage.

Enjoy the website and let me know what movies you guys are checking out this Summer. I'm always down for some recommendations as long as it's not a horror movie. :)

I have the ultimate crush on Taron Egerton from Kingsman. He is looking so good in the shirtless scene.


Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Entering a Heavenly Dimension

I woke up last night at about 4:45 AM to the most beautifully, vivid dream.

The first thing I remember once conscious of this dream, was that I was standing in a crystal clear body of water. The water was light blue and I could see right through it, although I didn't see any fish or animals swimming in it. The water level came up to my shins, making it shallow enough that I was easily able to walk around in it. I felt weightless. The oasis stretched for as far as I could see in all directions.

I looked up into the sky and saw waterfalls, which were floating in mid-air.

The sky was completely blue and the sun was beaming down onto the water, which made everything look like it was glistening and sparkling. The colors were brilliant and saturated. My senses were so alert. I felt the sun and warm water on my skin and the sounds of the water trickling down from the waterfalls.

I felt such peace. So much magic.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

The Consciousness Series

For over a year now, I've been working on a group of drawings called the Consciousness Series. The series consists of a dozen pieces and I'll be revealing the series in about two weeks!! I've clocked hundreds of hours on these drawings (not including the brainstorming, planning, doodling, photo shoots etc.. that take place before the drawing begins).

My best friend Michelle is my muse and the collaborative project has been such a learning experience for me. From the costume changes, to learning how to operate a camera, to photographing, figuring out proper lighting, angles, face expressions, composition...I've been able to let my creative juices run wild!

Once everything is done, I'll make prints, post them to the blog and sell them on my website! :)

I'm not releasing anymore information about the series until I reveal it at the end of the month. But you know I love you guys, so here's a few of the photos from our shoots:


Friday, April 10, 2015

Key Largo Adventure

After 24 years of living in Florida, I FINALLY made it to the Keys! Who knew it was only a two hour drive from my casa to Key Largo?

The reasoning for going to the Keys is actually really heartbreaking. Michelle befriended a guy named Nico at the gym a year ago, who's had a thing for her ever since. Really nice guy, he's sensitive, spiritual and has a passion for making music. Overall cool dude. However, he lost his best friend last month, who tragically drowned. Nico has been heartbroken. It really makes you think how fragile life is and how petty our problems are.

So, in efforts to raise his spirit, Michelle planned a 24 hour trip to Key Largo, as an escape to turn Nico's brain off and just shower him with love as best as we could. Our friend Alee was also in town so she joined, along with Michelle's older brother Sean.

Me, Mich, Nico and Alee. Sean was driving

After getting lost for 45 minutes trying to find Nico's house to pick him up, we hit the road and got to the Keys and found our campsite...which happened to also be a small RV park. Needless to say, it was cozy with a hint of trashy. We were greeted at the entrance of our campground by Susan, the 50-something-year-old alcoholic who ran the campground. She was gripping a beer in her hand as we pulled up. If cigarettes could talk, they would sound like her. Susan reminded me of an addict you would see on Intervention, but slightly less disheveled.

We set up our tent and than drove about ten minutes up the road to the John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park. The place was packed for good reason, the weather was perfect that day. The water was not ideal though. The tide was moving in a specific way, which made the water extremely murky and you could only see a few feet in front of you. I HATE open water to begin with, so I was freaking out. But I manned up, slapped on my snorkeling mask and we swam out to a small wreckage that had underwater canons and an anchor. Oh and sea lice. Lots of sea lice...which we all discovered the following day. We saw a jellyfish, a lobster, a few fish and the little mermaid. Uuuunda da sea

Once we finished snorkeling, we tanned on the beach for a little while and than drove back to the camp site around 5. Luckily the clocks had just switched to Spring forward, so we had an extra hour of sunlight to play in! Michelle whipped out a massive thermos filled with sliced fruit and rum and we all started loosening up. Our campsite was literally right on the water with the most beautiful view. A few of the boats docked behind our tent were playing Pink Floyd and Reggae, which totally added to the vibe. Island living is so slooooow and relaxing.

The campground had a pile of canoes and kayaks that were free to use, so we frolicked down to the dock and plopped two canoes into the water for a little late afternoon fun. Michelle and Nico got in one canoe which was a terrible idea. They were so sloppy and kept getting stuck in the Mangrove trees, unable to steer the boat correctly. It was hilarious to watch. Meanwhile, Alee, Sean and I were cruising in and out of canals like an Olympic row team.
Alee spent about 30 seconds in that kayak before bailing into our canoe haha
I wish I had my camera on the canoe because we found a random pony and pig on some private land! Once we exhausted ourselves on the canoes, we docked everything and watched the sunset by the water. We walked back to our site and started chowing down on some dank pasta that Alee had prepared that morning. We set up lights and Ring of Fire on the table that Susan so graciously lent us.
That game felt like it lasted for a solid two hours and I was so happy once all the cards were flipped. The beer in the center never popped open so that was anticlimactic. Throughout the game, I threw back about two solo cups of rum and fruit (I had to get my daily nutrients) but I really didn't feel drunk or tipsy at all...even though I clearly was after looking at the pictures haha
Ew check out that gnarly zit
We migrated back to the docks, where we could be a bit louder, without worrying about waking anyone on the campground. We jumped onto a pontoon boat and that's when I started feeling tipsy. Alee and I were talking and laughing about something sexual, while Sean and Nico were at the front of the boat in a really deep conversation about his friend who had passed away. I was almost brought to tears from the comforting things Sean was saying to Nico.
Than Sean pulled out a joint and we all took a hit. Michelle and I simultaneously got off the boat a few moments later to find the bathrooms, but as soon as I stood up, the pot hit me hard.
Mich and I wondered to the entrance of the camp ground and I felt like I was in Alice in Wonderland. I went from feeling slightly tipsy to extremely high...and I only took two hits from the joint. That pot had to of been laced. It was so dark at this campground and the massive trees around us made it feel like we were in a strange forest, engulfing us. It almost looked like a portal to me.
Mich and I disregarded everything else in that moment, forgot to go pee, locked arms and went on our own adventure. haha We left the campground and walked up this dirt road, passing random neighborhoods to our right. After exploring for about 5-10 minutes, I suggested we turn around and head back, just incase a cop happened to be driving by. Luckily; we managed to find our way back and reunited with the rest of the gang on the boat.
My high was peaking at that point and I realized I needed to relax somewhere in solitude. Plus; Sean was talking about something that was making me paranoid, so I got up and went to the tent to let the high simmer down.
I was trying to convince myself that I got in the right tent for the first ten minutes. haha Than I heard a car pull up to the tent and I started thinking some Key Largo killer was coming to kill me. I was seriously panicking. It sounds so ridiculous now, especially as I write this out, but I was convinced I was being stalked like prey. It felt like being stuck in some cheesy horror movie. Than a flashlight started shining through the tent and it just intensified my paranoia tenfold. All I could see was a shadow. I wanted to get out, but I was frozen. I started meditating, which helped me pass out shortly after.
I kinda woke up as they all got back in the tent one by one and I remember Mich saying to Nico, ''he looks like a baby deer when he sleeps." haha
I'm thankful I went back to the tent before everyone else, because some drama went down on the boat after I left. The following morning, I found out that Sean got pretty drunk/high and he was saying some things to Nico he shouldn't have. Remarks along the lines of being interested in Michelle and how he better not hurt/take advantage of her. Basically trying to be the tough older brother. The things that were said really upset Nico and he got off the boat crying. Poor guy. I also learned that the flashlight peering into the tent was not a Key Largo killer, it was Michelle trying to find Nico. haha
She later found him on the opposite end of the docks and reassured him that Sean was just drunk and being over-protective. The following morning was a little awkward between the two guys, but I was more upset that Nico's night was tampered with, after we specifically planned the 24 hours to be his way to escape from any negative emotions.
Besides that minor glitch and the paranoia, the trip was so much fun. There's something about camping that is so relaxing. The lack of electronics, while being surrounded in nature, is good for the soul.
Much love guys!

Sunday, March 22, 2015


It's quite an extraordinary feeling when a group of complete strangers go out of their way to help someone feeling down and helpless. That feeling, that energy, is love...and I am so unbelievably grateful for the outpour of compassion you all embraced me with through your emails and comments. I feel so blessed to have this community to openly share my thoughts and feelings, in a judge-free environment. You guys really uplifted me, and for that, I can't thank you all enough.

I don't typically write negative posts, but I really needed to write down those issues and express the pent-up pain I'd been feeling, in hopes to release that negative energy from myself.

For the first time in my life, I even started saying positive affirmations throughout the day. If you don't already, I highly recommend it, it's more therapeutic than I ever imagined.

1. I am a divine expression of life. I love and accept myself where I am right now

2. I feel safe to be me. I forgive myself for all that happened in the past.

3. I lovingly protect myself with thoughts of joy and peace. The past is forgiven and forgotten. I am free in this moment.

4. I deeply accept and love myself the way I am.
Let me begin by saying how amazing and perfect God's timing is in everything he does. Earlier this evening, my friend Steff (check out her blog here), sent me a text message which said "I really want to do that Peruvian cleansing thing, we should plan it. You are the only one who would do it with me."
The 'Peruvian cleansing thing' Steff is referring to is called Ayahuasca and I want to do it so bad!
Here's a quick Wikipedia description of it:

Ayahuasca is a psychedelic brew made out of various plants, mixed with the leaves of Chacruna or other DMT-containing plant species. People who have consumed ayahuasca report having spiritual revelations regarding their purpose on Earth, the true nature of the universe as well as deep insight into how to be the best person they possibly can. This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what is often described as a rebirth.  In addition, it is often reported that individuals feel they gain access to higher spiritual dimensions and make contact with various spiritual or extra-dimensional beings who can act as guides or healers. People may experience profound positive life changes subsequent to consuming Ayahuasca. Vomiting can follow Ayahuasca ingestion; this purging is considered by many shamans and experienced users of Ayahuasca to be an essential part of the experience, as it represents the release of negative energy and emotions built up over the course of one's life.

I actually discovered Ayahuasca a year or two ago, through an artist named Alex Grey, who does beautiful spiritual and transcendental art. I began investigating this foreign topic and I was instantly fascinated. I listened to any testimonial video I could get my hands on, of people sharing their personal stories with the medicine.

This evening, Steff recommended that I read Kira Salak's experience. Salak is one of five people in the world to receive a 2005 National Geographic Society Emerging Explorer Award. She has traveled solo to almost every continent, visiting some of the world's remotest or most inhospitable places. Aka she's a badass.

Salak struggled with years of intense depression, but that all vanished when she traveled to Peru, not once, but twice, to receive an Ayahuasca cleansing. She had visions of hell and Heaven, her incarnations and several different entities and spirits, including God.

I was brought to tears when her spirit ascended into the Heavenly realm and had this conversation with God.

Why did you hate me so much? I demand of Him.
“I never hated you,” He says. “You hated yourself. I have always loved you as my own child. Know that suffering is the greatest teacher on Earth. It leads us out of our belief in separation.”
But I don’t know what He means by “separation.” Darkness falls. I can’t see God in my vision anymore. “Now is your last, biggest challenge,” He says. “To realize that you’re not separated from me and never have been.”

I found so much relief and refuge in those words, like I was meant to read them at this exact moment of my life. Salak's story was one of the most profound things I've read in a long time.

Read her story here:

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Feeling Down

I have a lot of wonderful people and blessings in my life that I am so thankful for, but it seems like my mind always directs its attention to the negatives. I have two particular issues I'm battling with in my life that are severely crushing my self-esteem and confidence. So much so, that I feel like apart of me is dying inside.

The first problem is acne, which welcomed itself, uninvited, into my life when I was 18. It's been a horrible battle ever since, trying anything to cure it. My mom (bless her heart) paid for three years of Proactiv and that didn't work. I've tried dozens of soaps, scrubs, exfoliates, home remedies, etc., as well as dermatologists prescribing me pharmaceuticals and injecting me with cortisone shots. Nothing worked.

I went vegan, thinking maybe the meats and dairy had hormones and/or chemicals in it that I was allergic to. I started juicing. I drink copious amounts of water, usually in the form of green tea. I use organic soap. Take apple cider vinegar shots. But nothing is fucking working for me and it's so unbelievably frustrating. It's like my body just can't heal itself. I've cut back on so many unhealthy, processed foods but whatever attempt I make, it's not good enough.

I'll be 24 years old in two weeks and my face is completely broken out. I don't have the confidence to leave my house.

Sometimes I'll stop and stare at my high school senior picture that's in the hallway and daydream of what it used to be like without acne and scars.

The second problem I'm struggling with is hair loss. My dad is bald, my older brother is bald and unfortunately, I received the gene as well. My hair is falling out. If I run my fingers through my hair, several strands fall out each time. Showers have become my worst nightmare because I find an alarming amount of hair in the drain.

For the last three months, I've worn a backwards hat almost every single day to hide the receding hair line.

I don't know what is wrong with my body. I'm balding like a 60 year old man and I have severe acne like a 15 year old teenager.

I don't know why God is putting me through this pain. I feel like I'm becoming so ugly. I just want this pain to be over and I don't know what to do. I wish my prayers would be answered.


Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Dream of the Month: February 2015

I arrived at my college campus and parked my car in the parking garage near the art building, where I would typically park when I had class. There were guys walking around the parking garage shooting people with guns, so I began sprinting to the top floor of the garage and found an old wooden bridge that was attached to it (like something out of an Indiana Jones movie). However, the bridge was so long and disappeared in the distance, which prevented me from seeing what it was attached to on the other side.

I could hear gun shots echoing behind me so I jumped on the bridge and didn't look back. I felt like I was running forever. I was sprinting out of sheer anxiety and fear but that feeling began to fade as I was greeted by puffs of clouds and tree canopies. My attention shifted to a more peaceful state. The bridge eventually ended and I was left standing on this huge, medieval castle-like structure.

The scenery was breathtaking. The sun was setting and the sky was bright orange with speckles of red and yellow. There were mountains glowing in the distance, a beach to the right and hoodoo rock formations that you would find in Bryce National Park to the left of me. For some reason I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I went down to the beach and splashed my face with some water. Immediately, I regained my vision and I stood at the shore, watching dozens of surfers riding waves with a massive rock wall behind them. The rock wall had an array of lights shining off of it, like an aurora borealis effect.

One of the surfers started paddling to me, in a very eager manner. I smiled and waved until he got onto the shore.

This is going to sound crazy, but I knew him. Like we were old friends from a previous life or something, reuniting again. Moments later I started panicking and told him 'I had to leave' and it was 'time for me to get back'. I kept telling him I had to get back. We took a picture together and than I ran back up the beach onto the castle structure. I found a door that opened up to a spiral staircase and I began descending to the bottom.

When I got to the base of the steps, I opened up the door and I was standing in the center of campus, which was transformed into a farmers market. There were booths and vendors everywhere and I walked up to this wonderful, older lady who was handing out free herbs in tiny potting containers.

The last thing I remember about the dream was looking down at the ground and observing how well manicured the lawn was, which glowed a fluorescent neon green. Along the grass were an array of herbs and plants in containers.

Than I woke up.