Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Feeling Down

I have a lot of wonderful people and blessings in my life that I am so thankful for, but it seems like my mind always directs its attention to the negatives. I have two particular issues I'm battling with in my life that are severely crushing my self-esteem and confidence. So much so, that I feel like apart of me is dying inside.

The first problem is acne, which welcomed itself, uninvited, into my life when I was 18. It's been a horrible battle ever since, trying anything to cure it. My mom (bless her heart) paid for three years of Proactiv and that didn't work. I've tried dozens of soaps, scrubs, exfoliates, home remedies, etc., as well as dermatologists prescribing me pharmaceuticals and injecting me with cortisone shots. Nothing worked.

I went vegan, thinking maybe the meats and dairy had hormones and/or chemicals in it that I was allergic to. I started juicing. I drink copious amounts of water, usually in the form of green tea. I use organic soap. Take apple cider vinegar shots. But nothing is fucking working for me and it's so unbelievably frustrating. It's like my body just can't heal itself. I've cut back on so many unhealthy, processed foods but whatever attempt I make, it's not good enough.

I'll be 24 years old in two weeks and my face is completely broken out. I don't have the confidence to leave my house.

Sometimes I'll stop and stare at my high school senior picture that's in the hallway and daydream of what it used to be like without acne and scars.

The second problem I'm struggling with is hair loss. My dad is bald, my older brother is bald and unfortunately, I received the gene as well. My hair is falling out. If I run my fingers through my hair, several strands fall out each time. Showers have become my worst nightmare because I find an alarming amount of hair in the drain.

For the last three months, I've worn a backwards hat almost every single day to hide the receding hair line.

I don't know what is wrong with my body. I'm balding like a 60 year old man and I have severe acne like a 15 year old teenager.

I don't know why God is putting me through this pain. I feel like I'm becoming so ugly. I just want this pain to be over and I don't know what to do. I wish my prayers would be answered.



  1. hey man, just emailed you. keep your head up buddy

  2. I wish I could give you a BIG OLD HUG AND SMOOCH right now and tell you how wonderful you are! granny cougar loves you!

  3. hi. do you have a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) doctor in your area? TCM mainly works with herbs and natural remedies, so there are very little or no side effects. There body, according to Chinese Medicine of Yin and Yang, has too much heat, which is causing your acne. There is a tea, leung chai, that helps cools the body's internal energy and get rid of toxins. If there is a Chinese Herb shop in your area, give them a visit and try out the tea. The tea detox the body and "cool" your internal energy that is causing the acne. As for the hair loss, that is hereditary, try a crop cut, I bet you'll look cute with it. Best of luck to you.

  4. Have you been tested for food allergies, specifically gluten? Celiac causes many problems that has nothing to do with the tummy. Look at this info graphic and see if you think this could be your issue or not. I was shocked when I read this graphic as I had many of the symptoms, including hair loss.


    Hope this helps!

  5. Emailed you as well. I'm really sorry this is all going on at once. You can and will make it through all of this. ☺ We are all here to help you through it.

  6. Dear Friend,
    I can understand how do you feel at the moment. Our body has divine intelligence and amazing healing power too. Whenever something is blocked it starts showing us the signs. Please remember it is not a punishment by god. Your body is giving you a divine message to release few things from the past and experience the joy and peace at the present. External medicine and treatments are not working in your case because it is something which has to be done from within. Please have faith and I will guide how to bring about that change in your consciousness. I have been a spiritual healer for last 4 years and have been helping out people to build their own healing power from within. I will be writing a detailed email to you. My email address is rahul.anand1187@gmail.com. God bless you.

  7. I get you on the acne. I deal with it at 56. How about 45 years of it? It's surprising that nothing you've tried has helped. That's awful, but yes, I know how you feel. It contributes to my low self image. The hair is starting to thin. Mine's been white since I was a little over 40, so I was going white all through my 20's and 30's. I feel for you, man, 100%. I wish I had an answer. Some of us just got the wrong genes.

    Peace <3

  8. I can relate to your pain. I had bad acne, and still have a mild case after more than 40 years.

    Lucky for me, and my teenage kids, Accutane was available 12 years ago and it helped a lot. Just reading about the side-effects when I googled it and saw it was taken off the market 5 years ago. So maybe not so lucky...

  9. Hey there! Chin up! I've been meaning to visit, I'm over from grandma cougars site!!! I wish I was visiting under more gleeful terms. I am so sorry to hear of your skin woes, and can offer no cure as I'm no doctor or dermatologist. Is there anything they can recommend and is this constant or does it break out all of a sudden? Now the hair, I can totally feel your pain. I still have alot of hair, but it has receded over the years. But then stopped....thankfully. All the years of doing drag with wigs probably didn't help!!!! Now I never wore ball caps much, but was told they can possibly hinder hair growth, as the hair and scalp can't get the appropriate air circulation. I don't know if there is truth to that are not. But on weekends when I know I'm not going anywhere, I keep my blond locks product free. I father was long bald in his twenties, so I know I didn't get his jeans, but I still fret. Hang in there , I know it won't be easy, but I can tell your a sweet person with a agonizing situation. I'll send some good healing vibes.

  10. Oh, and btw, if I may be as bold to say, your hair is very nice, but the feature that gets me are those gorgeous green eyes and your eyebrows. I have the feeling they get you in and out of trouble😉