Sunday, March 22, 2015


It's quite an extraordinary feeling when a group of complete strangers go out of their way to help someone feeling down and helpless. That feeling, that energy, is love...and I am so unbelievably grateful for the outpour of compassion you all embraced me with through your emails and comments. I feel so blessed to have this community to openly share my thoughts and feelings, in a judge-free environment. You guys really uplifted me, and for that, I can't thank you all enough.

I don't typically write negative posts, but I really needed to write down those issues and express the pent-up pain I'd been feeling, in hopes to release that negative energy from myself.

For the first time in my life, I even started saying positive affirmations throughout the day. If you don't already, I highly recommend it, it's more therapeutic than I ever imagined.

1. I am a divine expression of life. I love and accept myself where I am right now

2. I feel safe to be me. I forgive myself for all that happened in the past.

3. I lovingly protect myself with thoughts of joy and peace. The past is forgiven and forgotten. I am free in this moment.

4. I deeply accept and love myself the way I am.
Let me begin by saying how amazing and perfect God's timing is in everything he does. Earlier this evening, my friend Steff (check out her blog here), sent me a text message which said "I really want to do that Peruvian cleansing thing, we should plan it. You are the only one who would do it with me."
The 'Peruvian cleansing thing' Steff is referring to is called Ayahuasca and I want to do it so bad!
Here's a quick Wikipedia description of it:

Ayahuasca is a psychedelic brew made out of various plants, mixed with the leaves of Chacruna or other DMT-containing plant species. People who have consumed ayahuasca report having spiritual revelations regarding their purpose on Earth, the true nature of the universe as well as deep insight into how to be the best person they possibly can. This is viewed by many as a spiritual awakening and what is often described as a rebirth.  In addition, it is often reported that individuals feel they gain access to higher spiritual dimensions and make contact with various spiritual or extra-dimensional beings who can act as guides or healers. People may experience profound positive life changes subsequent to consuming Ayahuasca. Vomiting can follow Ayahuasca ingestion; this purging is considered by many shamans and experienced users of Ayahuasca to be an essential part of the experience, as it represents the release of negative energy and emotions built up over the course of one's life.

I actually discovered Ayahuasca a year or two ago, through an artist named Alex Grey, who does beautiful spiritual and transcendental art. I began investigating this foreign topic and I was instantly fascinated. I listened to any testimonial video I could get my hands on, of people sharing their personal stories with the medicine.

This evening, Steff recommended that I read Kira Salak's experience. Salak is one of five people in the world to receive a 2005 National Geographic Society Emerging Explorer Award. She has traveled solo to almost every continent, visiting some of the world's remotest or most inhospitable places. Aka she's a badass.

Salak struggled with years of intense depression, but that all vanished when she traveled to Peru, not once, but twice, to receive an Ayahuasca cleansing. She had visions of hell and Heaven, her incarnations and several different entities and spirits, including God.

I was brought to tears when her spirit ascended into the Heavenly realm and had this conversation with God.

Why did you hate me so much? I demand of Him.
“I never hated you,” He says. “You hated yourself. I have always loved you as my own child. Know that suffering is the greatest teacher on Earth. It leads us out of our belief in separation.”
But I don’t know what He means by “separation.” Darkness falls. I can’t see God in my vision anymore. “Now is your last, biggest challenge,” He says. “To realize that you’re not separated from me and never have been.”

I found so much relief and refuge in those words, like I was meant to read them at this exact moment of my life. Salak's story was one of the most profound things I've read in a long time.

Read her story here:


  1. you write about whatever you want; I am not here to judge, but just to HUG AND SMOOCH you! :)

  2. You are most welcome buddy. Suffering is a greatest teacher indeed. It is very important to release the negative feelings and not to judge yourself by them. They always pass by like passing clouds, transforming us

    I have been recommending affirmations to many people and it has done miracles for them. The affirmations that I had sent to you were divinely guided. I hope they have worked for you. I realized that you have a great power to express feelings and emotions. It may be possible that your divine life purpose is associated with it. God bless you.


  3. Interesting. I will read that. I just wrote a real downer post ( I think I need something like this. Could be profound.

    Peace <3