CREEPIEST CREEPER IN STAPLES!!!

Monday afternoon I drove to Staples to make copies for my 2D-Design final. I had to create a 16- page zine. A zine is a personal magazine on any topic. I chose to write my zine on one of my favorite shows, Intervention.

I walked into Staples, looked up and saw the huge sign titled ‘Copy and Print Center’ and headed towards the woman behind the counter. I told her I needed assistance with setting up the copy machine, so she quickly pointed at the buttons and went back to assist the other customers.

I started making copies of my zine for everyone in my class, and than…

About five minutes into organizing the copies, my eyes wandered up and connected with a middle aged guy that was staring directly at me. It wasn’t one of those looks where we met eyes at the same time. No, this guy had been staring at me and I caught him. I immediately looked away and concentrated my focus on the copy machine again. About 3 minutes later, after I finished another set of copies, I looked up again and he was still just blankly staring at me.

My mind in that moment: WTF. Stop looking at me you fu*king weirdo!

This time, I refused to allow myself to look up again. I had already made awkward eye contact twice with this guy and didn’t want a third.

Let me set the scene for you guys: He was a random customer sitting at a table (facing me) in the front of the store about 40 feet away. He was about 45 and real chubby. The table he was sitting at had miscellaneous items like paper clips, a stapler, tape, a ruler, a hole puncher, ect. for people to use at their leisure.

He wasn’t using shit. He was just being creepy as hell.

Then someone dressed in a full gorilla costume walks into the store. I watched the gorilla walk around the front of the store and started talking to one of the cashiers, so I concluded it was some co-worker dressed up for a promotional thing.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the creeper looking in my direction. He didn't take his eyes off me for a solid five minutes at this point. I couldn't resist the urge, so my eyes darted over to him.

I thought my eyes were going to burn from the sight I had to witness. This heavyset man was gripping the end of a twizzler, sliding it in and out of his mouth, in a blow job motion.

I COULD NOT GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING STORE FAST ENOUGH.

That was the last time I looked at the Twizzler Freak. I was so uncomfortable and stood there staring down at the copy machine, trying to comprehend what I just saw. I couldn’t tell if he was just amusing himself and being fucking weird or was gay and had amazing gaydar.

Luckily he was gone when I finished my copies and I literally ran to my car, fearful that he was lingering in the parking lot and got the hell out of there.

I should have thrown him the Jenna Marbles face...

 

Life Goals

Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.

I am going to graduate from college with at least a 3.4 gpa.

I am going to make new friends and continue to grow in my friendships with my current friends and family.

I am going to read my Bible every day, watch a motivational video every day and read my Upper Room every morning.

I am going to build a website for my artwork.

I am going to adopt a Siberian husky puppy.

I am going to constantly push myself to improve my art skills and expand my imagination.

I am going to transform my body.

I am going to eat healthy every single day.

I am going to kick every negative thought from my head and replace it with my prayer language.

I am going to marry a handsome, successful, loving husband.

I am going to see Ellen DeGeneres live.

I am going to take my family on a dream vacation to Europe as a thank you for everything they have done for me.

I am going to have my art displayed in galleries and museums all over the world.

I am going to be very financially well off.

I am going to drive an Audi one day.

I am going to build an organic garden.

I am going to master every yoga pose.

I am going to learn how to cook.

I am going to love my husband with all my heart.

I am going to take care of myself, my hygiene and the way I look.

I am going to give generously to charities that focus on helping children and animals in need.

I am going to surround myself with positive, motivational people with high dreams like myself.

I am going to be the best uncle to my brother and sister’s children.

I am going to run in a half marathon one day.

I am going to live a long, happy, beautiful life.

Circumcised vs Uncircumcised

Do you prefer chopped or unchopped sausages? Serious question!

I’ve never seen an uncircumcised pecker in real life.

What's that extra skin like?

 

Penises are such a funny topic of discussion. I may be prude, but I love to talk about sex. I find it so amusing. 

And when I go to yoga class, I always think about sex. I’m not sure why but it happens every time.  

Me: There were three smoking hot guys in yoga last night, I wish you were there. Does doing yoga make you horny too?

Kaitlin: "Hahaha Yay! Um sometimes when I’m in a deep stretch I think of how flexible I’ll be in bed, but other than that, it’s just relaxing for me haha."

I do the same thing girl. Yoga is going to come in handy when I start having sex.

Call Me Maybe

I did not see that one coming. The song Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen came on the radio when I was driving back to school and found it oddly catchy. Okay who am I kidding, I was jamming out to the song full blast.

I creeped the song on YouTube and thanks to the AMAZING video, I fell in love with this song. You guys will love it, trust me.

Call me maybe? I would call him DEFINITELY. Talk about the ultimate guy next door haha

I am going for the body that guy in the video has. I start the P90x challenge with Dorie in a month!

I wonder if he's gay in real life? Hope so because he is super freaking mega sexy fine.

I guess this picture answers my question. Haha Is that Colton Haynes (the hottie from Teen Wolf)??

I'M LEGAL!!!

Today is my 21st birthday! I never had a fake ID, which made the excitement even greater!

I did 21 shots! April fooooools ha

My parents called me in the afternoon and gave me a quick schpeal about "don't drink too much, drink a glass of water in-between each drink, don't have more than four drinks, always hold onto your drink, etc. haha I mostly took their advice

Angela came over around 11 PM with a homemade cake and champagne to kick off the night. We got to a 21+ night club called Whiskey Rivers at 11:45 PM and bouncer literally made us wait at the door until midnight. The second the clock struck midnight,the bouncer wished me a happy birthday and the fun began. I walked in and it was like a whole 'nother world that I have never been exposed to. I'm not going to lie, I was intimidated by all of it.

The place was huge with several bars, huge projector screens filming the dance floor, fog machines and strobe lights, people were going nuts. It was people watching paradise.

My friends led me right to the bar and the drinks started flowing. I started out with a shot that tasted like skittles. Those sugary, fruity shots are the deadliest. Before I could even put that shot back,I had a rum runner in my other hand which tasted so good.

Everyone got a few drinks in them and we migrated from the bar to the dance floor and started loosening up.

The last thing I wanted to do was get ridiculously wasted, so I drank a red bull infused drink and stopped at that. Champagne and three drinks, not too bad! I was proud of myself.

I was super tipsy and spotted a group of cute guys, so Angela and Tera aka Tera Cotta, walked up to them and go:

"Are any of you guys gay?"
The guys- It's your birthday!?
"No...Are you guys GAY?"
The guys- we can if you want us to be.

I was dying laughing. hahaha