Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Monday afternoon I drove to Staples to make copies for my 2D-Design final. I had to create a 16- page zine. A zine is a personal magazine on any topic. I chose to write my zine on one of my favorite shows, Intervention.

I walked into Staples, looked up and saw the huge sign titled ‘Copy and Print Center’ and headed towards the woman behind the counter. I told her I needed assistance with setting up the copy machine, so she quickly pointed at the buttons and went back to assist the other customers.
I started making copies of my zine for everyone in my class, and than…
About five minutes into organizing the copies, my eyes wandered up and connected with a middle aged guy that was staring directly at me. It wasn’t one of those looks where we met eyes at the same time. No, this guy had been staring at me and I caught him. I immediately looked away and concentrated my focus on the copy machine again. About 3 minutes later, after I finished another set of copies, I looked up again and he was still just blankly staring at me.
My mind in that moment: WTF. Stop looking at me you fu*king weirdo!
This time, I refused to allow myself to look up again. I had already made awkward eye contact twice with this guy and didn’t want a third.
Let me set the scene for you guys: He was a random customer sitting at a table (facing me) in the front of the store about 40 feet away. He was about 45 and real chubby. The table he was sitting at had miscellaneous items like paper clips, a stapler, tape, a ruler, a hole puncher, ect. for people to use at their leisure.
He wasn’t using shit. He was just being creepy as hell.
Then someone dressed in a full gorilla costume walks into the store. I watched the gorilla walk around the front of the store and started talking to one of the cashiers, so I concluded it was some co-worker dressed up for a promotional thing.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the creeper looking in my direction. He didn't take his eyes off me for a solid five minutes at this point. I couldn't resist the urge, so my eyes darted over to him.

I thought my eyes were going to burn from the sight I had to witness. This heavyset man was gripping the end of a twizzler, sliding it in and out of his mouth, in a blow job motion.
That was the last time I looked at the Twizzler Freak. I was so uncomfortable and stood there staring down at the copy machine, trying to comprehend what I just saw. I couldn’t tell if he was just amusing himself and being fucking weird or was gay and had amazing gaydar.
Luckily he was gone when I finished my copies and I literally ran to my car, fearful that he was lingering in the parking lot and got the hell out of there.
I should have thrown him the Jenna Marbles face...


  1. Wow, awkward. Vivid description, I think you might have ruined Twizzlers for me as well, haha. :-)

    Something in your entry made me think of this video . . . count how many times the students wearing white pass the ball back and forth. :-)

  2. AGD: For a moment there, I thought maybe you were recounting a vivid nightmare you had. You are quite the goober magnet. Don't you know how to give guys the stink eye or are you just too nice?

  3. This reminds me of the time i went into a public toilet in singapore a few months ago, was followed in by this guy. Did my thing, when i went to wash my hands i looked in the mirror and he was wanking at the urinal while turned around and trying to make eye contact with me in the mirror.

  4. No wonder I hate twizzlers! Definitely creepy. As hetero-challenged said, though, that's the price of being attractive!

  5. Instead of looking away you should have stared through him, that way he isn't even sure if you notice him.

  6. No one but the KKK is disgusted by race discrepancy these days, but age discrepancy evokes all sorts of negative reactions,from mild disapproval to venomous