Thursday, July 21, 2011


I think I failed to mention (on purpose) what happened when I met a guy on a dating site. Well get ready...because shits about to get real interesting.

Rewind to September 2010. I was NO where near ready to delve into any sort of relationship, but I was so torn between fighting emotions and hormones. I had never hooked up with a guy and hearing the same phrase “How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never hooked up with a guy before?” was starting to drive me crazy.

I created a profile on OkCupid and two days later I logged back on and had 147 messages. I was receiving some very disturbing and gross messages from people. I wasn't really into any of the guys who messaged me. About two weeks later, I met a guy who was attractive and our match percentage was 98%. I shot him a message. I didn’t think anything of it, because he was living in Los Angeles pursuing an acting/modeling career, while I was a full time student across the country.

He was very nice and charming as we began to message each other more frequently. Messaging  turned into emailing. Emails escalated into texting. Texts turned into Skyping and talking on the phone. We started Skyping till 4, sometimes 5 and even onetime 6 in the morning. He was three hours behind me so I suppose he was still getting decent sleep, but it began taking a toll on me. He would get upset if I tried to go to bed. Instead of doing homework and studying for exams, I was chatting up this dude...

One day while we were Skyping after I got back from class, he told me he was flying to Florida to see me. I was like "say WHAT?" He said he was coming for five days and he wanted to live with me in my dorm room. Luckily my roommates and I each had our own room, or else this would have never worked.

We had been communicating for 3 weeks and I was anxious to see what he was like in real life. I had informed very few people about what was going on. Two of my three roommates knew, along with Angela, Rachel, Michelle and my sister.

Before he arrived, I cut my hair, manshaved, tanned, cleaned my room so it was spotless, washed all my sheets and plugged in some Glade scented 'candles'. Once he landed, he rented a black Dodge Charger  and came straight to my school. Once he arrived, I walked down to the lobby, FREAKING OUT. There he was, standing there with the biggest smile on his face. I walked up to him and he bear hugged me. It was somewhat embarrassing. I got into his car and we drove to the parking lot. The first couple minutes we’re extremely nerve wrecking for me. I didn't know how to act or what to say. Once we returned from the parking lot, we got into the elevator and RACHEL just happened to be in there with two of her friends!

She knew who he was because I told her about him, but I couldn’t even speak. I was literally frozen. We just stared at each other and smiled because she could tell I was beyond nervous.

We got into my room and he was clearly nowhere near as nervous as I was. He just dropped his bags, flicked off his sandals and jumped up on my bed. He was on vacation. I sat down in my desk chair and didn’t know what to do. The first thing my mind told me to do was CALL YOUR SIS! I grabbed my phone and we made small talk. I even made her talk to him! Haha she was a trooper though.

After the phone call he told me he had a surprise for me and made me close my eyes and holdout my hands. I open my eyes and there was a build a bear in my hands. It gets worse. When I pressed the hand, the song T-shirt by Shontelle would start playing. Ugh I'm not into romantic gifts like that. He even had his friend film him in the store as he picked out the bear and got it stuffed, which he pulled up on his phone and showed me.

That night I went on my first date in my entire life. We saw the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen in my life. My Soul to Take in 3D. The movie was such garbage. Every time a scary part came up, he would inch his hand closer to mine. Once the movie ended, we drove back to my dorm and he insisted we watch another movie to make up for how shitty the one we just saw was. He put on the new Nightmare on Elm Street and that was the first time I was in bed with another guy. I sat in the corner and he cuddled up next to me and threw the sheets over us. We just kinda started kissing about ten minutes into the movie and I received my first blow job that night. From a model! Haha

This kid was a die hard Florida State fan. He got like 8 tickets for a home game that weekend in Tally. Two nights later, he insisted that I meet one of his family friends that live twenty minutes from my campus. The two kids were going to the game with us,  so he wanted me to meet them, along with their parents. I agreed, but I was superrrr nervous. I didn't show up to a Fraternity function and went with him instead.

We pulled up into the families driveway and he goes “oh yeah, by the way, they don’t know I’m gay. I told them we were friends since elementary school” and all this other bullshit.

I am a very calm person but holy shit I FLIPPED OUT ON HIM. So I basically had to lie to this family. It was suchhhh an awkward situation.

We got into the house and luckily the family was really cool. They cooked us this gigantic meal of fried chicken, mash potatoes and even baked a cake.

I knew it was coming...We sat down for dinner and they started asking me nine zillion questions about us growing up together. I almost started laughing at one point, I thought it was so ridiculous I was being forced to lie to this nice family. I kinda just wanted to out him and myself. The main reason he had me meet the family was because we we’re going to spend the night at their house, the night before we left for Tally. The parents were going to be out of town that night, so he wanted to have a sleepover there and get an early head start.

So the night before the game we drove back to the house. His friends parents were in NYC, so it was just the four of us. He and I were sleeping in the guest room, that had two beds, and he kept trying to get in mine.

The next morning we got up, filled our stomachs with Chikfila and drove to Tally.

This is where things got weird. I liked the two kids we drove up with, but the other three friends of his I met at the tailgate were hella weird. So half his friends knew he was gay(and myself as well) while the other half (who we drove up with) did not. He kept putting me in these weird predicaments and it really started to piss me off, especially since he didn't give me any warnings, until moments before. That's when he really started frustrating me.

He bought us matching shirts at one of the shops we stopped at before the game, which I insisted I didn't need. I was already wearing a garnet colored shirt. It was nice of him, but not really necessary. The worst part was when we approached the ticket gate. He purposely split our tickets from the rest of our group. So the two of us sat on one end of the stadium, while everyone else sat on the other end. His exact words were “I want you all to myself.” But again, I thought it would be fun to all be together so I could have bonded with his friends, instead of shuffling off in different directions. Especially since he never gets to see these friends. He started giving me weird vibes.

Remember when I said he was a crazy FSU fan. He glittered his head, had cheerleader pom-pom in his back jean pockets and was decked out in Seminole attire from head to toe, literally. Come to find out, he is one of those obnoxious fans who screams during every play and feels the need to make a comment every ten seconds. I did not enjoy myself at all. I was so excited once that game ended.

I just wanted to get away from him. We met up with the rest of his friends and we decided to stop at steak and shake for dinner. On our drive to the restaurant, I stared out the car window and watched as a girl gave a guy road head in his Jeep. Everything happening around me was just too much. As we’re walking into the restaurant, the two friends who we drove up with entered first. I'm in the midst of walking in, when he comes up behind me and slaps my ass as hard as he can. I turned around and he’s giving his friends (the ones who knew we were gay) one of those ‘douchey smiles’. I was so angry. I wanted to deck this kid in the face and strangle him in a wrestling move. Instead, I ignored him for the remainder of the trip. He was such a different, unpleasant person around his friends and I can't stand people who are fake. The ride home sucked. I pretended to sleep.

The worst was when it was finally time for him to go back to the airport. I drove him there and the second he shut my car door, I was GLOWING with excitement to get back to my life and be with my friends again. I got home from the airport and decided to clean my room, cook some dinner and take a nap. I woke up from my nap and I had over a dozen missed calls and voicemails from him. I was so confused because he should have been on an airplane, without cell service. Come to find out, his plane was overbooked and he accepted the offer to fly out the following day, with an upgrade to First Class.

MOMENTS after reading this text, someone started knocking on my door. 'It can’t be him, this isn’t happening!' were the first thoughts to run through my head. I opened my door and SURE ENOUGH, his ass was standing there. All I could say to him was "I thought I dropped you off at the airport…?" He bought a taxi and came all the way back to my dorm, just to spend another night. I wanted to evaporate into thin air. We messed around in bed that night and the following day, I lied and said I had class, so I wouldn’t have to drive him all the way back to the airport again.

Once he left, I was so relieved. He just wasn’t right for me, at all. We were two people who just didn’t click, even though OkCupid told us we were a 98% match. He started referring to me as his boyfriend. We were not dating. He changed his ringtone to Teenage Dream by Katy Perry when I called him. It was turning into a nightmare.

I had no desire to keep in touch with him, so I stopped replying as frequently as I was. Eventually he asked me what was happening and I tried to send him a long text explaining to him that I just didn't think we were going to work and I appreciated our time together, but I needed to focus on school.

We had one final Skype session shortly after I sent him that text. He really looked like shit and I genuinely felt bad that he was taking this 'break up' so badly. He was crying and I told him I was sorry but I needed to focus on school and academics and that I didn't want to do the long distance thing anymore. I said Goodbye, closed my computer and I haven't  spoken or seen him since.

What did I learn from this experience?

1. That yes I am gay. I enjoyed the hook-ups but it was definitely with the wrong guy, even though I was physically very attracted to him.

2. I am a lot stronger of a person than I think I am. Especially for all the awkward situations I put myself in.

3. Take chances and LEARN from those experiences

4. Always trust your gut instincts.

5. Be careful when you use dating websites/apps. Even if the person seems like a perfect match, they could be completely incompatible in real life

6. There's so much more to a person than their looks.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Working at Tropical Smoothie

Every single person I work with is so incredibly cool. We all go out together after work and goof off the entire time. Ok, maybe not the entire time, because we get our shit done, but if you could only see what goes on behind the scenes. We blast music, dance, do karaoke, draw all over the dry erase board, eat and talk about our nights. It's a very relaxing work environment.

Christian was homeless and dropped out of high school after his mom chose his stepdad over him and he usually has to walk home from work because his mom won't. I was shocked when he told me this because he is the nicest, down to Earth guy. He sings along to every song that the XM Radio plays.  Recently, he had to take a week off of work after getting sent to the hospital, after his stepdad beat him.

Lindsay aka Li Li is a crazzzzzy party girl. She comes in with the most insane stories. She is the most open person when it comes to talking about sex. She has no shame in her game and loves to verbalize her hook ups. Her 4th of July weekend in Las Vegas which ended in a threesome, knocked all of her other stories out of the ball park.

Ashley aka Ghetto is by far the funniest. She is very go with the flow and says EVERYTHING that is on her mind. We call her Ghetto because she just is. haha I love working with her.

Maria aka Mari is such a sweetheart. She's quiet, but when she speaks she is hilarious. The two of us bonded immediately after realizing she attends the high school I graduated from and we had a few of the same teachers. We pick on each other but I love the girl.

Stuart aka Stewie is the smart, more reserved one. Like really smart, he goes to Duke. He is the definition of a nice guy. He will go out of his way to help people. And has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. One day at work he came up to me and asked to see my abs ;) Sooo I flexed the shit out of my stomach and lifted up my shirt haha I would hook up with him in a second.

Evan is a macho dude in the marines, but suffers from short man syndrome. Sometimes I get the big ego vibe from him, but I am the least threatening person. I really don’t have a competitive bone in my body, so he’s cool around me.

Ana Maria aka Brown is my favorite! She's like a little sister to me. The two of us are so funny together. She makes the schedules and ALWAYS schedules us together. She was the first person at work I came out to. We were peeling bananas and I just slipped it out. She freaked out (in a good way) and now when a hottie walks in, we run to each other. lolol

Ana aka Culo has a good head on her shoulders. She's in a long distant relationship with her boyfriend who lives in Panama, who is ridiculously attractive. She absolutely loves talking to me about guys. She is the most interested in asking me questions and knowing what its like to be gay. She was the second person I told. I came out to her in a game of hangman, on the dry erase board at work. haha

Andrea is the newest to work with us. She is the most chill and laid back girl I have ever met. Her personality is always as cool as a cucumber. She’s great to get advice from, especially because SHES GAY TOO! She came out to me and a week later she, Brown and I were chilling in her hippie van and I came out to her. Shes my first lesbian friend! She was the third person I came out to at work and that’s all so far.

Mari, myself, Brown and Culo
We were all scheduled to work on Flip Flop Day (a day where you get a free smoothie if you come in wearing flip flops) and I forgot I was at work. The customers probably thought we were throwing a party in the back because we we’re laughing the entire time. Doin' the Bernie dance! We are all so different from each other, but we get along like we’ve been best friends since kindergarten. It’s not even work to me, it’s like going to see my fam.

Thursday, July 14, 2011


I went to the movies today with my bestie Michelle. I have no hesitation when I say Bridesmaids is easily one of the funniest movies I have ever seen in my life. Like from the second the movie started, till it finished, I was laughing. At one scene during the movie I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard...when Melissa McCarthy is going diarrhea in the sink.

If you don’t enjoy this movie, something is wrong with you. Its raunchy, its hysterical and the elaborate mix of characters (the bridesmaids) make the film that much better. There was one scene in particular where I looked over at Mich and she was bent over in her seat laughing so hard that her face was turning purple. I really enjoyed it because the main character, Annie, is trying to figure out life, love and relationships just like I am. It’s really weird but I see myself in her character, just way less funny. I love how close the two best friends are and has encouraged me to pursue that really tight bond with more of my friends.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Gorgeous Takes Human Form

Step aside Cam Gigandet. TYLER HOECHLIN you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. Marry me


Teen Wolf is my new favorite show. haha

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Spirituality and Homosexuality

So what’s the dealio on the Bible verses that condemn homosexuality?

1 Corinthians 6: 9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

Leviticus 18:22 - "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."

Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

Romans 1:26-27 - "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."

In Genesis 19 God destroys Sodom and Gomorrah due to the extensive amount of sin and debauchery going on in the city. Some add homosexuality in with the sins being committed. Others say that it was not just blanket homosexuality being condemned but homosexual rape, meaning it is different from homosexual behavior in loving relationships.

That was a case of ostensibly heterosexual males intent on humiliating strangers by treating them 'like women,' thus de-masculinizing them. Their brutal behavior has nothing to do with the problem of whether genuine love expressed between consenting adults of the same sex is legitimate or not. Whether these males are 'gay' or 'straight', a mature same-sex love relationship is not under discussion.

So what do you guys think?