Thursday, July 21, 2011


I think I failed to mention (on purpose) what happened when I met a guy on a dating site. Well get ready...because shits about to get real interesting.

Rewind to September 2010. I was NO where near ready to delve into any sort of relationship, but I was so torn between fighting emotions and hormones. I had never hooked up with a guy and hearing the same phrase “How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never hooked up with a guy before?” was starting to drive me crazy.

I created a profile on OkCupid and two days later I logged back on and had 147 messages. I was receiving some very disturbing and gross messages from people. I wasn't really into any of the guys who messaged me. About two weeks later, I met a guy who was attractive and our match percentage was 98%. I shot him a message. I didn’t think anything of it, because he was living in Los Angeles pursuing an acting/modeling career, while I was a full time student across the country.

He was very nice and charming as we began to message each other more frequently. Messaging  turned into emailing. Emails escalated into texting. Texts turned into Skyping and talking on the phone. We started Skyping till 4, sometimes 5 and even onetime 6 in the morning. He was three hours behind me so I suppose he was still getting decent sleep, but it began taking a toll on me. He would get upset if I tried to go to bed. Instead of doing homework and studying for exams, I was chatting up this dude...

One day while we were Skyping after I got back from class, he told me he was flying to Florida to see me. I was like "say WHAT?" He said he was coming for five days and he wanted to live with me in my dorm room. Luckily my roommates and I each had our own room, or else this would have never worked.

We had been communicating for 3 weeks and I was anxious to see what he was like in real life. I had informed very few people about what was going on. Two of my three roommates knew, along with Angela, Rachel, Michelle and my sister.

Before he arrived, I cut my hair, manshaved, tanned, cleaned my room so it was spotless, washed all my sheets and plugged in some Glade scented 'candles'. Once he landed, he rented a black Dodge Charger  and came straight to my school. Once he arrived, I walked down to the lobby, FREAKING OUT. There he was, standing there with the biggest smile on his face. I walked up to him and he bear hugged me. It was somewhat embarrassing. I got into his car and we drove to the parking lot. The first couple minutes we’re extremely nerve wrecking for me. I didn't know how to act or what to say. Once we returned from the parking lot, we got into the elevator and RACHEL just happened to be in there with two of her friends!

She knew who he was because I told her about him, but I couldn’t even speak. I was literally frozen. We just stared at each other and smiled because she could tell I was beyond nervous.

We got into my room and he was clearly nowhere near as nervous as I was. He just dropped his bags, flicked off his sandals and jumped up on my bed. He was on vacation. I sat down in my desk chair and didn’t know what to do. The first thing my mind told me to do was CALL YOUR SIS! I grabbed my phone and we made small talk. I even made her talk to him! Haha she was a trooper though.

After the phone call he told me he had a surprise for me and made me close my eyes and holdout my hands. I open my eyes and there was a build a bear in my hands. It gets worse. When I pressed the hand, the song T-shirt by Shontelle would start playing. Ugh I'm not into romantic gifts like that. He even had his friend film him in the store as he picked out the bear and got it stuffed, which he pulled up on his phone and showed me.

That night I went on my first date in my entire life. We saw the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen in my life. My Soul to Take in 3D. The movie was such garbage. Every time a scary part came up, he would inch his hand closer to mine. Once the movie ended, we drove back to my dorm and he insisted we watch another movie to make up for how shitty the one we just saw was. He put on the new Nightmare on Elm Street and that was the first time I was in bed with another guy. I sat in the corner and he cuddled up next to me and threw the sheets over us. We just kinda started kissing about ten minutes into the movie and I received my first blow job that night. From a model! Haha

This kid was a die hard Florida State fan. He got like 8 tickets for a home game that weekend in Tally. Two nights later, he insisted that I meet one of his family friends that live twenty minutes from my campus. The two kids were going to the game with us,  so he wanted me to meet them, along with their parents. I agreed, but I was superrrr nervous. I didn't show up to a Fraternity function and went with him instead.

We pulled up into the families driveway and he goes “oh yeah, by the way, they don’t know I’m gay. I told them we were friends since elementary school” and all this other bullshit.

I am a very calm person but holy shit I FLIPPED OUT ON HIM. So I basically had to lie to this family. It was suchhhh an awkward situation.

We got into the house and luckily the family was really cool. They cooked us this gigantic meal of fried chicken, mash potatoes and even baked a cake.

I knew it was coming...We sat down for dinner and they started asking me nine zillion questions about us growing up together. I almost started laughing at one point, I thought it was so ridiculous I was being forced to lie to this nice family. I kinda just wanted to out him and myself. The main reason he had me meet the family was because we we’re going to spend the night at their house, the night before we left for Tally. The parents were going to be out of town that night, so he wanted to have a sleepover there and get an early head start.

So the night before the game we drove back to the house. His friends parents were in NYC, so it was just the four of us. He and I were sleeping in the guest room, that had two beds, and he kept trying to get in mine.

The next morning we got up, filled our stomachs with Chikfila and drove to Tally.

This is where things got weird. I liked the two kids we drove up with, but the other three friends of his I met at the tailgate were hella weird. So half his friends knew he was gay(and myself as well) while the other half (who we drove up with) did not. He kept putting me in these weird predicaments and it really started to piss me off, especially since he didn't give me any warnings, until moments before. That's when he really started frustrating me.

He bought us matching shirts at one of the shops we stopped at before the game, which I insisted I didn't need. I was already wearing a garnet colored shirt. It was nice of him, but not really necessary. The worst part was when we approached the ticket gate. He purposely split our tickets from the rest of our group. So the two of us sat on one end of the stadium, while everyone else sat on the other end. His exact words were “I want you all to myself.” But again, I thought it would be fun to all be together so I could have bonded with his friends, instead of shuffling off in different directions. Especially since he never gets to see these friends. He started giving me weird vibes.

Remember when I said he was a crazy FSU fan. He glittered his head, had cheerleader pom-pom in his back jean pockets and was decked out in Seminole attire from head to toe, literally. Come to find out, he is one of those obnoxious fans who screams during every play and feels the need to make a comment every ten seconds. I did not enjoy myself at all. I was so excited once that game ended.

I just wanted to get away from him. We met up with the rest of his friends and we decided to stop at steak and shake for dinner. On our drive to the restaurant, I stared out the car window and watched as a girl gave a guy road head in his Jeep. Everything happening around me was just too much. As we’re walking into the restaurant, the two friends who we drove up with entered first. I'm in the midst of walking in, when he comes up behind me and slaps my ass as hard as he can. I turned around and he’s giving his friends (the ones who knew we were gay) one of those ‘douchey smiles’. I was so angry. I wanted to deck this kid in the face and strangle him in a wrestling move. Instead, I ignored him for the remainder of the trip. He was such a different, unpleasant person around his friends and I can't stand people who are fake. The ride home sucked. I pretended to sleep.

The worst was when it was finally time for him to go back to the airport. I drove him there and the second he shut my car door, I was GLOWING with excitement to get back to my life and be with my friends again. I got home from the airport and decided to clean my room, cook some dinner and take a nap. I woke up from my nap and I had over a dozen missed calls and voicemails from him. I was so confused because he should have been on an airplane, without cell service. Come to find out, his plane was overbooked and he accepted the offer to fly out the following day, with an upgrade to First Class.

MOMENTS after reading this text, someone started knocking on my door. 'It can’t be him, this isn’t happening!' were the first thoughts to run through my head. I opened my door and SURE ENOUGH, his ass was standing there. All I could say to him was "I thought I dropped you off at the airport…?" He bought a taxi and came all the way back to my dorm, just to spend another night. I wanted to evaporate into thin air. We messed around in bed that night and the following day, I lied and said I had class, so I wouldn’t have to drive him all the way back to the airport again.

Once he left, I was so relieved. He just wasn’t right for me, at all. We were two people who just didn’t click, even though OkCupid told us we were a 98% match. He started referring to me as his boyfriend. We were not dating. He changed his ringtone to Teenage Dream by Katy Perry when I called him. It was turning into a nightmare.

I had no desire to keep in touch with him, so I stopped replying as frequently as I was. Eventually he asked me what was happening and I tried to send him a long text explaining to him that I just didn't think we were going to work and I appreciated our time together, but I needed to focus on school.

We had one final Skype session shortly after I sent him that text. He really looked like shit and I genuinely felt bad that he was taking this 'break up' so badly. He was crying and I told him I was sorry but I needed to focus on school and academics and that I didn't want to do the long distance thing anymore. I said Goodbye, closed my computer and I haven't  spoken or seen him since.

What did I learn from this experience?

1. That yes I am gay. I enjoyed the hook-ups but it was definitely with the wrong guy, even though I was physically very attracted to him.

2. I am a lot stronger of a person than I think I am. Especially for all the awkward situations I put myself in.

3. Take chances and LEARN from those experiences

4. Always trust your gut instincts.

5. Be careful when you use dating websites/apps. Even if the person seems like a perfect match, they could be completely incompatible in real life

6. There's so much more to a person than their looks.


  1. This post is like the story of the rebound guy I had. Oh man, the similarities are crazy. But, hey you live and learn right? The first guy I opened up to cheated, the rebound I tried was crazy, and the last guy I opened up to was a compulsive liar. Lessons learned from all 3 lol

  2. lol :) soooo this is the truthhhh hahahahah

  3. wow that was painful just reading it haha

  4. Thanks for sharing this experience. It was an interesting read. A few things came to my mind:

    1. I wouldn't "write-off" dating sites competely, yet. You seem to have really good intuition about them and that will be your best protection. But not everyone on them is a creep. I met my BF online and I am so grateful. We are meant for each other. And, I don't think we're creeps. We're just two "regular" guys who happen to be sexually attracted to dudes. And, we love and respect each other. We're exclusive and committed. All the things that we, each, were looking for.
    2. My Mom says: "every pot has it's lid" - I guess it's just that some pots and lids take time to find each other. You will find your match.
    3. I was told when I came out: "You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you meet Prince Charming". I guess that's really true for any relationship search (straight or gay). In my case, I certainly kissed some toads (this story of yours had some very familiar elements to it) but it didn't really take me long to find Prince Charming (less than 2 years).
    4. Ya gotta keep your values and principles intact. Looks like you are already doing that well.
    Best of luck - I look forward to reading your blog again.

  5. I feel so bad for you! Sucks he was that intense. I tried online dating stuff too but luckily didn't run into anyone too creepy, but ya I have a feeling you're right. Have to stop looking so hard and just let it happen naturally!

  6. I feel kind of sorry for . . . that Build-a-Bear :-) That sounds like it was quite awkward, but it's cool that you're able to look at it as a learning experience. Taking risks is definitely something I need to work on.

  7. quite a least ya did it and learned something for it. no regrets right? haha you've inspired me to write about my own online dating experience..stay tuned.

  8. you're kind of judgmental for somebody who doesn't want to be judged.

  9. Yes, he might have came on too strong, but you were a total jerk too for not being upfront with him and leading him on. Then you went on to make fun of him for self tanning and looking "pale and ugly." He did everything to try to impress you and look good for you, did you ever consider his efforts? He flew all the way to visit you, brought you to meet his friends, and got you a build a bear as a gift. You sounded very judgmental and think you are so much better than him. You need to deflate your ego a bit.

  10. I think the thing you should not be proud of is how judgmental you have been about this whole thing. Why do you think he became so attached? You played along with every thing he asked you to do, and that gave him the wrong idea. You led him on, and though he certainly moved quickly and asked a lot of you, you did nothing to put a stop to it. Then you come here and trash-talk his friends for being obese and Jewish and him for being pale.

    I don't think you realize how easy you've had it as a gay man. How dare you treat someone else so poorly, even if they were a bit outlandish.

  11. We all have our share of crazies. I think they just make us stronger. It is all a learning experience.

  12. AGD: A terrible first experience at online dating. I agree he came on too strong, too fast and that's usually a bad sign of desperation. But consider that this guy may have been very lonely and looking to grasp at any kind of connection, the slightest bit of affection gets blown out of proportion. When you become infatuated with a person, you want everything to go right and you put them on a pedestal - so that's what he did with you. It's a fine line of course, because if you ended up liking the guy, you would have thought the build-a-bear was such a sweet thing instead of being creepy.

    The lesson you missed as some have already pointed out is you were getting lots of warning signs but not being forceful enough to slow things down, to even stop things when it didn't begin to feel right.

    And while I understand why you ignored him at the end, because people want to avoid conflict sometimes, that wasn't good because it just left him hanging and confused. You should have manned up and just be direct with him. Tell him you don't think it's going to work and why. You end up being mature about it and he gets closure and retains a little self esteem.

    Don't let this scare you from dating. I still think the best way is to get referrals from your friends because they know what kind of person you are and can match you up better.

  13. Online dating has rarely panned out for me either, though there have been a few fun hook-ups out of it, but never a boyfriend. It sounds like you both had high expectations, maybe with his being a bit higher than yours. He did come on a bit too strong.

    However, let me say this, when you go on a date with someone and all of your previous connections (email, chatting, texting, etc) go so well...Then you meet and the date seems to go well from your perspective and bad from his perspective (though you don't know that because he gave no clues), then it leaves you wandering what you did wrong. Why is he not talking to you? I have had this happen in the past, and I am a very likable person (from what everyone I know tells me). I never knew what the problem was, why the date never went anywhere. It is always best to tell the other person what the problem is. Be honest and as I always say treat others how you want to be treated. It probably would have been best to tell him that there just wasn't a connection and ended it that way, not to just cut him off.

    He thought things went well in your meeting. Yes, he came on too strong, and I was not there to see whether or not he was a total nutcase or not, but from what you said, it sounds more like he was trying to be nice, though he went much further and faster than you were ready for. He should have known you were new to this and might be a bit skittish. That is probably his greatest mistake.

    I wouldn't give up on online dating, it can obviously be rewarding for some (which may include you). Next time though put yourself in his shoes and try to understand where he is coming from as well, be upfront, and honest, and I think it will go much smoother.

  14. Y'all need to lay off our boy AGD. 1st date and kiss and stuff. Its pretty clear you were a bit stressed out. Live and learn.
    Some have ironically accused you of being judgmental, but I dont think you what you wrote was any different than what each of us really thinks in our head -- we just dont share those thoughts with others.

  15. Sometimes you learn by hearing differing viewpoints. If your surround yourself with yes men, who only offer nodding support, you run the risk of groupthink, that just reinforces your own beliefs and biases. Those of us who have a bit more life experience will tell you many things in life are not black and white obvious, but shades of gray. There are times when it's useful to have your friends tell you what you need to hear rather than say what you want to hear.

  16. Check this out!

  17. Hey man, sooo I don't think you were being judgmental at all. Just following normal dating procedures where, you know, you gotta figure out if somebody is right for you. And with this guy, lonely or not, he still made a fool out of himself.

    And for what's it worth, it sucks that you had a crappy first experience with dating websites but maybe don't give up on them completely? I've had mostly good experiences on adam4adam. Still a lot of creeps or people just looking for some action, but some normal, sane people as well. But maybe that's just me ;).

  18. Damn have every right dude to be pissed off especially if you didn't want the whole thing broadcasted to his friends like that but he did it behind your back, shit that would of sent me over the edge when I figured that out, after the slap on ur butt lookin Bk at his friends. Trust and loyalty are the foundations of any relationship intimate or friendship..this guy was very selfish sounds like and only cared about his own feelings rather that where u were at.

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