Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Dream of the Month-February 2012

Welcome to my dream on February 12th…
The dream began with me staring down at a pen and signing myself up for a fitness competition. The first round of the competition took place on the back porch of my parent's house. Except the back porch was huge compared to what it is in reality and the ground was grass instead of tile. A really cute guy sprinted past me, towards a giant bounce house, as another guy chased from behind. The objective was for him to make it inside the bounce house and avoid getting tackled by the person of the opposite team.
I remember having the hots for several of the guys in the fitness competition, so I walked inside my house and headed for the bathroom. The second I stepped inside my house, my body lifted effortlessly into the air. The tiles had come to life and grew arms, grabbing my ankles and elevated my body off the ground. I felt like I was crowd surfing as the tiles carried me to the bathroom door. They gently set me down and hundreds of arms started waving at me and dropped back into the ground. Haha it was so trippy
I walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I was so confused, because my hair was dripping wet for some unexplained reason. My hair began growing in front of my eyes and grew down to my shoulders. I started jumping up and down in excitement because I was totally rocking the new do. I spent some time trying to style my hair and give myself dreadlocks, but I failed. I found a pair of scissors and cut it back to normal.
I left the bathroom and walked into the lobby of the YMCA I attend back home. Two coaches ran up to me, frantically screaming for me to get ready for the second round of the fitness competition. I tried to tell them that I didn’t even participate in the bounce house round, but they ignored me. I had somehow placed and moved on without even competing in the first round. Haha
For the second round of the competition, I was required to team up with a partner of the opposite gender. The team that had the closest matching body fat percentage won. I looked around and saw fat people grouping together and started panicking, trying to find a thin girl to be my teammate.
I ran past the lobby desk and approached a huge, really wide staircase that went up for what seemed like forever. I started trekking up the massive staircase and found a secret room built into the wall. I looked up and realized there were several secret doors so I entered the first one. I made my way into the room and it was filled with attractive, college aged blonde girls.
The room was darkly lit, as the girls sat behind a circular bar all facing a massive bonfire with tiki decorations behind them. None of the girls noticed my presence, so I yelled to get their attention. I scanned the room and pointed at a girl who was drawing and chose her as my teammate.
Of course I chose the artsy one…lol
We left the room together and started walking back down the stairs to register as partners. She started pissing me off with stupid comments, so we went our separate ways. Just as a coach came running up to me, I ran into one of my best friends Anita, and we immediately teamed up.

Our fat body index was almost identical and we advanced to the final round. We were blindfolded...
When I took the blindfold off, I was with Anita and two other people in an empty room on the top floor of a tower. Like Rapunzel. There were no doors in the room and only one window. To escape, we shimmied down the side of the tower and landed on a beautiful terrain. The grass was plush green and soft like golf grass. There were huge beautiful trees, butterflies flying around us and the sun was warm on my skin. It kind of reminded me of the Queen of Heart's garden from Alice in Wonderland.
The only problem was that we were surrounded by huge, thick rose bushes. One of the guys found four sets of stilts leaning up against the side of the tower, so we harnessed the stilts onto our feet and simultaneously hurdled over the rose bushes. We had entered into a magical land. Anita and the two other people immediately ripped off their stilts and began running after ping pong balls, which were raining down from the sky. I took off my shirt and started collecting as many ping pong balls in it as I could.
In the distance, there was a beach with monster-like creatures playing water baseball. I walked up to the beach and it was people dressed up in different animal costumes playing baseball with the ping pong balls. I remember watching in amazement, because they were running on the water.
I looked down into the pile of ping pong balls filled in my shirt and watched as one of the balls morphed into my phone.  The phone started ringing and my friend Angel was on the other end, screaming at me. She was begging me to put on my tie dye shoes and meet her at Publix. I kept telling her I didn’t own a pair of tie dye shoes but she was so persistent, forcing me to go check my closet.

I magically poofed back to my bedroom and found three pairs of shoes with awesome tie dye designs in my closet. I grabbed the coolest looking pair and poofed myself to Publix.
Angel was standing on a stage, in the middle of the grocery store, singing karaoke. Her baby was backup dancing with a hula skirt on. I ran onto the stage hysterically laughing and ran up to hug her.
Than I woke up.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Cute Blue-Eyed Gym Boy

During my freshman year of college, there happened to be this boy. This boy was openly gay and at the time I was in the closet. I envied him in every which way. He just looked so put together and I was so intrigued by him. I remember the first time I saw him ...ike it was yesterday.
My friends Matt, Tyler and I would all go the gym together. We were the trio. Not gunna lie, I had the best group of friends freshman year (before Greek life split us all up). Anyways, the three of us would hit the gym and meet up with the girls from our group around the same time. I wasn’t out to anybody at that time, so I had to follow Matt and Tyler’s lead when they started talking about girls.
Matt was the really horny one and Tyler was the charmer. Both as straight as an arrow and I love both of them. Sometimes I would wonder if they suspected my sexuality, since I never talked about girls and hardly ever added to the conversation when it was brought up.
I walked into the gym with Tyler and Matt and that’s when I saw him for the first time. He was lying down at the bench press and I was instantly mesmerized.

WHO IS THAT? I thought to myself.
He had killer looks and I really wanted to befriend him.
Having a crush on him and not being able to say anything to anyone, was like having invisible tape over my mouth. Matt and Tyler were busy analyzing girls ass’ on the elliptical machines, while I was star struck by the guy with the bright blue eyes.
I saw him at the school gym numerous times and I grew to love working out, in hopes I would see him there everyday. He looked so friendly, but I never built up the courage to say hi.
Well after he left my university, I found a much unexpected surprise while surfing YouTube. He’s a comedian! Could he be anymore perfect?
He has over 80,000 fans on his Facebook page. Comment after comment are (mostly) gay guys drooling over him hand telling him how ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ he is.
I will always refer to him as the cute blue eyed gym boy.
Craigery Morgan was my first college crush. The crush I never said one word to...

Friday, February 24, 2012


That awkward moment when I started crying in the grocery store because I lost my mom.

That awkward moment when my parents reminisce that I sat on Santa’s lap and asked for a rainbow for Christmas.
That awkward moment when my friend was having a pool party and their dog Puck ripped my bathing suit off.
That awkward moment when I had to tell my sister that our cat snatched her hamster out of my hands and killed it.
That awkward moment when I galloped home to erase the message I put on the house phone that said “Mom, I gotta take a crap.”
That awkward moment when my friend’s mom had to retrieve me out of a tree because I climbed up too high and couldn’t get back down.
That awkward moment when I threw up on the Capital building during my fifth grade patrol trip and a kid started taking pictures of me throwing up.
That awkward moment when I watched my friend put a bouncy ball up his butt, push it back out and witnessed his dog carry it away in his mouth.
That awkward moment when my 8th grade art teacher wrote me a referral as the entire class watched in silence.
That awkward moment when my friends and I found his mom’s sex toys.
That awkward moment when my conservative relatives were over for dinner and the song Dirty Hot Sex by Pepper started playing full blast on my friend’s phone.
That awkward moment when I walked into my sister’s room when she and her friends were topless giving each other massages.
That awkward moment when I used to get random boners all the time in high school and walked around like I had a stick up my butt.
That awkward moment when I accidentally whacked my little cousin across the face with a Wii controller during Wii tennis RIGHT INFRONT of her parents.
That awkward moment when I sent the text to the person I was talking smack about.
That awkward moment when my dad walked into my room one night when I was jacking off.
That awkward moment when my neighbor’s cat passed away while they were on vacation and I was watching their house.
That awkward moment when my marine biology teacher caught me cheating and ripped up my test.
That awkward moment when I opened a portapotty at the Tempe Music fest and a girl was on the floor receiving a golden shower.
That awkward moment when I received personal training at my gym as a Christmas present and I threw up both days.
That awkward moment when I almost had sex with my friend Sammie over Summer B.
That awkward moment when I wave and scream hi to a friend and they don't hear or see me and I look like a complete ass..
The awkward moment when my parents handed me a Publix bag, told me to open it, and I proceed to find my water bottle bong they found behind the cat statue I hid in the corner of my backyard.
That awkward moment when I threw up on my pledge brother during a hazing night.
That awkward moment when I was blasting and singing along to Bleeding Love and my roommate walked in.
That awkward moment never knowing to either stop or speed up at yellow lights.
That awkward moment when I make eye contact with another cute guy.
That awkward moment when my friend tells me the following day that I screamed “I’m gay!” to a girl while highly intoxicated.

Saturday, February 18, 2012


What do people mean when they say someone was bad in bed? What is the difference between good sex and bad sex?

Saturday, February 11, 2012


Valentine’s Day. The time of year when everything is painted in pink and red and people frantically run out to buy their significant other roses, chocolates, Hallmark cards, stuffed animals, sparkly jewelry, lingerie and book dinner reservations.

It's too forced. It puts pressure on people, especially men, to go out and useless junk. A random, thoughtful act or sentimental gift is so much sexier, than any of that shit in the picture above.

My ideal Valentine’s Day, pretending like I had a boyfriend ha, would be cooking dinner together, eating dessert and cuddling on the couch while watching a movie and than having awesome sex.

I wouldn't feed into the corporate greed and spend my money on stupid gifts and cheap candy that's filled with chemicals.

Saturday, February 4, 2012


Feast your eyes on the sexiest cast ever:


From the first episode, I was hooked. I started watching the show not too long ago, after Mich insisted I would like it. I thought the show was going to be really dumb, but the plot is actually really interesting. The show revolves around the murder of Alison and the killer begins stalking her four best friends.

Check out all the episodes at Project-Free TV.

And for you bi guys, check out how hot the ladies are: