Friday, February 24, 2012

I'M SO AWKWARD

That awkward moment when I started crying in the grocery store because I lost my mom.

That awkward moment when my parents reminisce that I sat on Santa’s lap and asked for a rainbow for Christmas.
That awkward moment when my friend was having a pool party and their dog Puck ripped my bathing suit off.
That awkward moment when I had to tell my sister that our cat snatched her hamster out of my hands and killed it.
That awkward moment when I galloped home to erase the message I put on the house phone that said “Mom, I gotta take a crap.”
That awkward moment when my friend’s mom had to retrieve me out of a tree because I climbed up too high and couldn’t get back down.
That awkward moment when I threw up on the Capital building during my fifth grade patrol trip and a kid started taking pictures of me throwing up.
That awkward moment when I watched my friend put a bouncy ball up his butt, push it back out and witnessed his dog carry it away in his mouth.
That awkward moment when my 8th grade art teacher wrote me a referral as the entire class watched in silence.
That awkward moment when my friends and I found his mom’s sex toys.
That awkward moment when my conservative relatives were over for dinner and the song Dirty Hot Sex by Pepper started playing full blast on my friend’s phone.
That awkward moment when I walked into my sister’s room when she and her friends were topless giving each other massages.
That awkward moment when I used to get random boners all the time in high school and walked around like I had a stick up my butt.
That awkward moment when I accidentally whacked my little cousin across the face with a Wii controller during Wii tennis RIGHT INFRONT of her parents.
That awkward moment when I sent the text to the person I was talking smack about.
That awkward moment when my dad walked into my room one night when I was jacking off.
That awkward moment when my neighbor’s cat passed away while they were on vacation and I was watching their house.
That awkward moment when my marine biology teacher caught me cheating and ripped up my test.
That awkward moment when I opened a portapotty at the Tempe Music fest and a girl was on the floor receiving a golden shower.
That awkward moment when I received personal training at my gym as a Christmas present and I threw up both days.
That awkward moment when I almost had sex with my friend Sammie over Summer B.
That awkward moment when I wave and scream hi to a friend and they don't hear or see me and I look like a complete ass..
The awkward moment when my parents handed me a Publix bag, told me to open it, and I proceed to find my water bottle bong they found behind the cat statue I hid in the corner of my backyard.
That awkward moment when I threw up on my pledge brother during a hazing night.
That awkward moment when I was blasting and singing along to Bleeding Love and my roommate walked in.
That awkward moment never knowing to either stop or speed up at yellow lights.
That awkward moment when I make eye contact with another cute guy.
That awkward moment when my friend tells me the following day that I screamed “I’m gay!” to a girl while highly intoxicated.

7 comments:

  1. Interesting entry, you've got quite the memory for awkward moments!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AGD: For someone full of awkward moments, you still are really cute.

    PS: Love the new look of the blog, it's very soothing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A lot of these were pretty funny XD My awkward moments cant even compare lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha wow - this is priceless. Thanks for being so candid with us :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. that aqward moment when your racist and homophobic grandfather asks if your gay

    ReplyDelete
  6. You "almost had sex with your friend Sammie", which is a girl. So, you are technically bisexual...not gay! Thank you very much! I don't understand why you came out as gay man when you are clearly bisexual. Why?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dude, r u really bi? cuz you almost slept with a girl.

    ReplyDelete