Thursday, October 29, 2015


If you've been following my blog since the beginning, you know I make some questionable choices from time to time. There's one in particular that I want to discuss, because I was just reminded of it, on national television.

Let's rewind to 2010. I'm 19, just starting to come out and only my siblings and closest friends know I'm gay. I was also seeing my amazing on-campus counselor Lauren every Friday afternoon. On one Friday, I decided to tell Lauren that I had met a guy on OkCupid, who was a model out in LA. We were texting each other on a pretty frequent basis and we were Skyping about 4 nights a week, for up to several hours at a time.

I just thought it was fun, but I knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn't go anywhere. To be realistic, he lived across the country and I was focused on school. I had never done anything with a guy before and this whole experience was so liberating, because I was finally able to flirt with a guy and release years of emotions that I kept bottled. He was hot and I was enjoying the giddy feelings I got while flirting with this kid through the computer screen.

Well about six weeks after texting and skyping, he told me he was flying to FL to visit me. I was like 'sayyyy whaaaat?!' So fast-forward,  I agree to this and he flies cross-country to live with me in my dorm room, against my counselor and best friend's better judgment. He and I went out on a date or two, took a weekend trip to Tallahassee and he was my first gay kiss. The first date we went on (which was my first date I had ever been on in my life) was to the movies. How cliché, right? haha We saw the absolute worst horror movie called My Soul to Take. It was painfully bad.

I was ready for him to leave once the end of the week rolled around. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but he didn't fly across the country just for me. He's a die hard FSU fan and attends the football games every year, so he was coming to FL regardless. Our personalities just didn't click and school was just starting to get intense at the time, since I was finishing up my gen ed classes. After he left for Cali, we Skyped one more time before I cut communication between us. I basically said the long-distance wasn't going to work and I needed to focus on myself, school, socializing and my future. The last image I ever had, embedded in my mind, was him weeping on our video chat while I was telling him this.

It was awkward, so I clicked out of the chat and carried on with my life.

Five years later, I see him while watching the Ellen show the other day! haha I was like 'wait, why does that kid look so familiar, where do I know him from??" As soon as I made the connection, I dropped the remote and busted out laughing. He's "Umberto" in the light blue button-down.

 Much Love Guys!

Sunday, October 18, 2015


I was NOT having it that morning. I had been up the night before till 5 AM working on a commission. My alarm started blaring an hour and a half later thanks to being summoned for Jury Duty! I felt like a zombie and I don't drink coffee. If you've never been chosen, here's how it goes down:

You enter the Court House, empty your pockets and walk through a metal detector, similar to an airport and all the jurors are directed to the Jury room. The three women at the front of the room ask everyone to form two, single-file lines. Come to find out, I was supposed to bring my parking stub in, so I had to walk all the way back to my car and retrieve it and repeat that entire process over again. It was also 85 degrees by 8AM that morning, so I really enjoyed that stroll back to the parking garage The stairwell smelled like a McDonald's Play Place. The woman told me she wouldn't call my name for a case until I returned, so you best believe I took my sweet ass time strolling back.

I eventually made it back and the room was completely packed. I awkwardly found an empty seat in the center of a row, so I shimmied and shuffled to it, repeatedly whispering "excuse me, pardon me," like an asshole. I started reading my book and about twenties minutes later, my name was echoed through the speakers. Myself and two dozen other jurors walked in silence to the entrance of court room 14B on the 14th floor.

When I'm anxious, I can't eat. I was stressing over that commission I had been up all night working on, which needed to be expedited the following day. I was so nervous that I was going to be chosen for the case which was going to interfere with the project. The lawyers asked me and the other two dozen jurors question after question and I legit thought I was going to fall asleep in the wooden pew they had us sitting in. My eyes were so heavy and I felt so disrespectful for yawning every 30 seconds. Trying to focus and appear presentable while you're running on E is no easy task.

Luckily, I wasn't one of the seven jurors selected for the specific case. Thank God. Probably because they could tell I looked like shit. The man pressing charges for this personal injury case, however, was looking real cute. He was in his late 20's, tall, wearing sexy nerd glasses and had a baseball player's body. He was hit in a car accident and suing for back pain and medical bills. To be honest, I would have probably voted in his favor, just because he was attractive. How bad is that? I just sat there praying that the lawyers wouldn't call on me to speak, so I could sit there in my daze, fantasizing about having sex with him.

Luckily, after three hours of questions, the judge and lawyers deliberated and the seven jurors were chosen. I ran out of there so fast, handed in my badge and booked it for the parking garage. I was so exhausted/hungry that my brain was in a complete fog. The only things on my mind were FOOD and SLEEP, in that order.

On my way home, I turned on the radio and the same Lauren Daigle song that I had heard while driving to the courthouse was playing. This blanket of peace wrapped itself around me during the entirety of the song. I went from feeling ungrounded, to very calm and tranquil. It was such a strange, yet beautiful feeling that I can't really describe.

As soon as I returned home, I inhaled food, passed out for a solid four hours and than jumped on my computer. Whenever I hear a song I really like on the radio, I repeat them to Siri and than screenshot my phone. That way I can figure out the song on Google and look up the artist and download it to my iTouch. That day I discovered Lauren and fell in LOVE with her. Her voice is so beautiful. Not only that, she is hysterical in interviews and in videos that she posts on her Instagram.

For the past several weeks, I've been listening to her music on repeat and I feel so uplifted and happy! In honor of how much I appreciate her, I decided to draw her!

She's preforming in Fort Lauderdale on October 30th so I'm framing the drawing and hopefully I can give it to her in person!

Moral of the story: God is looking out for us, always. Notice the messages, some can be as simple as a song. A song that leads to the discovery of a new favorite artist, which leads to seeing them in concert, which might lead to a cool new connection! God works in the weirdest, yet most wonderful ways. I must have prayed 50 times that I wouldn't have to go to Jury Duty, but I'm so happy I did, or else I wouldn't have discovered Lauren when I needed to.

If you've never listened to her music before, check her out!!! I hope her music encourages, inspires and uplifts you like it does for me. First, O Lord and Light of the World are my favs!!
Much love guys!