Sunday, May 20, 2012


Which condoms and lube are the best?

I did a little research and based on reviews, Astroglide water-based lubrication and Trojan lubricated condoms got great reviews across the board. Zac and I are ready to take our relationship to new heights...

This is the face he makes when the whipped cream and chocolate syrup come out to play.

Thursday, May 17, 2012


This week has been nothing less than fucking stressful and terrible.

Unlucky situation 1

On Monday, I was walking into the art building to go pee. The door smashed into my leg, made a direct hit with my front right pocket, smashed my car keys which shattered my iPhone screen.

Unlucky situation 2

On Wednesday night, I drove to campus to take advantage of the lab hours. I left at 11 P.M. I was about half way home, when, within a split second, I saw a raccoon standing in the middle of road. I didn’t have time to break or swerve. I clobbered the raccoon going 45 mph. It was one of the most horrible moments in my entire life. The impact was so intense. Imagine someone throwing a basketball against a garage door as hard as they could. That’s what it sounded like. I felt the body catapult under my car. I was screaming and shaking.  I couldn’t sleep.

Unlucky situation 3

This morning I was driving to school and couldn’t focus at all. I kept replaying the accident from last night in my mind, as I drove past the scene of the crime. And JUST when I thought nothing could possibly get any worse…
Life shit on me again.

I got into a fender bender.

I got to the parking garage and cried and than I started laughing. What did I do to deserve all this??

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Bachelorette Party in DISNEY!


She is a Disney addict, so of course that's where she chose to go for her Bachelorette party. Not going to lie, I felt awkward being the only guy there, but after a while, I didn’t give a shit.

The fun began when we entered Epcot around 11:30. We all had the munchies so we pigged out at a café. After lunch, the girls bought Minnie mouse ears and we headed towards the Mission to Mars ride. The ride was okay. It’s one of those spinning rides and we had just eaten lunch, so I got really dizzy but it was a cool ride I guess. A little less spinning motion would have been nice. Oh God, I sound like an old person.

We were conveniently dropped off in the gift shop and I got a dog tag haha

After I was given my new identity, we went on Ellen DeGeneres’ dream ride. That woman is amazing. I’m reading her book ‘Seriously…I’m Kidding’ and my love just grows and grows for that woman.
We went to the soda pop factory and tasted all the different sodas from around the globe. Costa Rica’s soda tasted like straight shit.

We started walking to the different countries and I couldn’t stop people watching. We were in the United Kingdom and that’s where I laid eyes on my FAVORITE DISNEY CHARACTER! ALICE

So I walk up to Alice and this conversation happens:

Alice: Are you with those little mice? (pointing at the girls across the street)

Me: Yeah I’m with those mice. I’m their stripper.

Alice: … … … like a strip?

Me: Umm? a strip of ribbon!

Alice: AHH just like the one in my hair! (points at hair band)

Then we got to Canada and ran into a giant college Bachelor party from UF. Most of them were pretty drunk. Come to find out, the bachelor wasn’t even present. They left him passed out on a park bench in one of the other countries. Hahaha
One of the guys jokingly asks me “so, are you like the stripper for the bachelorette party?”

It was too perfect. I lift up my dog tag up and all the guys start going wild, giving me high-fives. We were definitely being the loudest people in the park. To add to the rowdiness, a CRAZY couple approaches us and recognizes the bachelor party because they bought all the guys drinks earlier on.

The couple started talking about marriage. The wife called her husband a douche bag, told us he had a big cock and just kept rambling on and on. We were all laughing and attracting way too much attention. Than the wife noticed that one of the guys from the bachelor party had the Cinderella castle tattooed on his foot and blurts out “nice tat man! Do you have a vagina too?”

It took every ounce of strength in me to not laugh. I slowly shift my head over to Angela and we erupted into laughter. That was our cue to leave, so we parted ways and kept exploring the countries. I got a strawberry margarita from Mexico and some alcoholic orange slush drink in London. The margarita was STRONG...or I'm just a light weight, because I was feeling it.

We went to Italy for dinner and there were eagles (our codename for hot guys) everywhere! The waiters, the bartenders, the host, the bus boys. I would have banged the entire staff. What was in that margarita?

We shared a delicious, giant appetizer...

After we ate and bird watched, the ladies kept ordering drinks from the different countries and ended the night with the incredible fireworks display over the lake.
Oh and then we got lost and had to re-enter and walk across the entire park to the opposite exit. haha