The Bigger Picture

*Sigh* Life is so robotic right now. As much as it's improved over the last year (next week will mark my one-year work anniversary), I feel so much is lacking. I'm still broke, I'm still living with my parents, I'm still struggling to sell my art and I wish all that (and more) would just miraculously change overnight. The process is part of the bigger picture, but I'm so ready to move on from this chapter.

I have this burning desire within me to travel and attend yoga/meditation retreats. How amazing does that sound?! In the most recent Yoga magazine, it featured an article which highligthed several yogi's favorite retreat locations. I sat on my bed, with the magazine in my lap, captivated by the beautiful photos in complete fascination That is something I feel like my heart is telling me to do. But again, I can't afford any of that at the moment and reality set in. I get my next paycheck one week from today and it's going to be a memorable moment for me. Sadly enough, it'll be the first time in my life that I'll have $1,000 in my bank account.

When I first got my job last year, I was a thousand dollars in debt. After I slowly paid that off, I started obtaining things I needed to build my foundation. I began purchasing the highest quality foods (vegan food is hella expensive, especially when you're trying to make gains), nice beauty products, art supplies, a drawing table, a Canon to shoot my artwork with, an iMac to replace my broken laptop, major car repairs, etc. Essentially it took me all year before I could start saving up. I just got my second raise, but even with the bump, I'm only making a measly $12.20 an hour. I hate how I feel like I'm wasting my time and talent, being stuck in a job I hate, that pays me horribly. It's so fucking frustrating.

I try to be hyper focused on my days off to temporarily bring me happiness, by drawing for eight hours, going to the gym, the beach, stretching for an hour, juicing, eating healthy and running errands. I almost feel like I'm living two lives right now. Four days a week I hate my life and I feel like a robot, just going through the motions and the other three days a week I have off, I'm so happy and full of life. I can't wait until that becomes everyday of the week.

How will that happen? Well, as soon as my art takes off and I'm able to start bringing in a steady income from art prints. How will that happen? The faster I produce art. I'm clocking about 25 hours a week right now and plan to have my next drawing completed on the 23rd.

I'm putting in the hard work and I need to pray and have faith that God/the Universe will bless me for it.

Ultimately, it comes down to trusting that everything will happen and manifest at the divine time in which it's meant to occur...but I just want it asap.

Much Love Guys