HORNY GRANDMA

I went to Publix this afternoon, after I got out of class and was overly excited to run over to the produce section and get KALE! Yes you read correctly. Kale, my friends. That green vegetable that’s freaking jam packed with Vitamin K. Mmm yummy I started following a few health related YouTube channels and they all rave about the healing benefits of Kale.

Michelle is always telling me about her organic creations, one of them being kale chips. It sounds good to me, so I decided to give it a shot. I’m doing this new challenge where I cook and experiment with two new ingredients each week. This week being kale to make kale chips and I made guacamole for the first time earlier in the week! Both came out delicious.

As I'm walking over to the produce section to find my ingredients, I grab one of those plastic bags and awkwardly cram the kale into it. Than a woman walks up to me...

Joan: Is that kale?

Me: Yes it is! I’ve never tried it before, but I hope it tastes good!

Joan: …It doesn’t. It’s really bitter. *reaches for lettuce* that’s why I eat this stuff

Me: Uh oh! Well my best friend makes kale chips and says they're really good, so I hope they taste better that way!

I smile at her, continue browsing and walk over to the fresh fruit. As I’m drooling over the price on strawberries, Joan walks up to me, grabs me around the waist and whispers in my ear:

Joan: “raspberries are better for your sex drive.”

I looked at her and started cracking up. This woman looked like she was in her mid-60s and I seriously wish she was my grandma.

It gets better! We cross paths in the dairy section and she sarcastically asks “are you following me around the store?” I laughed, we exchanged names and then she goes “wow, if I was younger, I would be all over you!” I was laughing so hard but didn't have any clever comebacks.

I love when old ladies mack on me in the grocery store, it's such a turn-on. I hope we cross paths again one day Joan, you sassy little pistol.

Anyways, the kale chips turned out surprisingly good! I drizzled some olive oil and Italian breadcrumbs on top and vwala! 30 minutes in the oven and you’ve got yourself an uber healthy snack.

With the help of friends, family, watching documentaries and doing online research; I’m becoming a health nut. Growing up, I was always thin and relatively fit, so I never thought twice about what I put into my body. But with age, comes wisdom, and with my recent discovery of how many GMO’s and preservatives the food industry coats our food with, I’m changing my ways. Michelle is slowly becoming completely organic and I am following in her footsteps.

I intend to live a happy, spiritually-filled, fun life.  Eating completely organic, I want to grow an immaculate garden and know exactly what I'm eating. Join a meditation and yoga studio (possibly become a certified yoga instructor one day), produce amazing artwork, and make a change in the world through healthy foods and artwork. I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about it! Art is my talent and yoga and healthy eating are my passions. Combing the three will make me the happiest guy alive.

I hope you all have a happy and healthy weekend.

My newest obsession: