Friday, January 20, 2012

Gay Guys and Urinals

If you squirm at the thought of creepy germs lurking on toilet seats and faucet handles, you probably spend as little time as possible in public restrooms. And during those nerve-wracking moments when you dare to venture into the confines of the bathroom, you may find yourself pushing open the stall door with your elbows, crouching precariously above the toilet seat rather than letting your butt cheeks touch it, and flushing with your shoe.

I don’t know about you, but public bathrooms, especially the urinals, can create some awkward moments. For instance, say you walk into a public bathroom and it happens to be really crowded. You look around and all the stalls are taken, all the urinals are occupied EXCEPT for the one right smack dab in the middle, between two other guys. And what's up with the bathrooms that don't even have the urinal dividers?!

Do you wait till another one opens up?
Do you use a stall instead?

Regardless if you're straight, bi or gay,  taking a piss while standing two feet away from a complete stranger is uncomfortable. Especially when the guy next to you lacks proper pubic bathroom etiquette.

Let me explain...

One time I had to pee like a racehorse during my drive back to school, so I reluctantly got off at a rest stop and ran in to take a leak. I received a warm welcome by two saggy, hairy butt checks right in my face. An elderly gentleman dropped his pants and boxers to the ground. That's a big no-no.

On two different occasions, I've witnessed men who attempted to make small talk with the dude next to them. I don't know about you, but that's the LAST place I want a guy talking to me.

So how'd you guys meet? "It was love at first sight in the airport bathroom." Haha no

By far the most disgusting urinal experience I ever witnessed was in high school. Some idiot took a dump in the urinal and it was repulsive.

But on the flip side, what do you do when a good looking guy is standing next to you at a urinal?

Do you make eye contact?

Do you sneak a peek?

Do you share a urinal? Kidding lol

I’ll admit, I’ve checked out a few guys’ package’s before. It was only a split second glance, but I couldn’t resist. Haha

If you never put any thought into public bathrooms, follow my urinal etiquette:

Avoid making weird grunting or moaning noises.

Don’t drop your pants to the ground. No one wants to see your ass cheeks, unless you look like Cam Gigandet.

Refrain from standing an obnoxiously far distance from the urinal so everyone in the bathroom has a clear sight of your dingaling.

Don’t wave your wiener around so pee goes everywhere but in the urinal. Although this can get tricky when you’re drunk.

Don’t look around. Either look straight ahead at the wall or down into your urinal.

And finally, flush. Nothing is more delightful than walking up to an available urinal and finding a warm puddle of stale pee in the bowl that smells like a McDonald’s Play Place.



  1. My weird experience was in elementary school. There was yellow liquid soap in the soap dispensers, and one of my classmates told me that he poured out the soap and replaced it with his urine. Being young and gullible, I believed him. It was years before I could use the soap to wash my hands in a public restroom, since I always wondered if it really was soap.

    1. Hahahaha kids say the funniest things. So would you not wash your hands after you went to the bathroom in a public bathroom? Or did you avoid public bathrooms altogether? Or did you rely on hand sanitizer?

  2. Before the Internet, highway rest stops were a very common cruising spot. Some guys, especially truckers, probably still cruise them.

    When you cruise a bathroom, there are several ways to make your interests known - and guess what - you've listed them above. If you're cruising DO look around, DO check out the guy's package next to you, DO use a urinal next to another guy even when there's an empty one further away, DO stand away from urinal, and DO fondle yourself. If you're not into bathroom cruising, ignore the freaks and creeps who are.

    My guess is that those weird incidents happened because you were being cruised. Not necessarily because the guys thought you might be gay, probably just because you're young and good looking.

    1. That's so funny, but it makes sense when you think about it. What better way for guys to anonymously hook-up while in unknown territory, than to do it in a public rest stop...where there's a constant flow of wieners.

      I can't believe 'cruising a bathroom' is a real phrase. I walk in, piss, wash my hands and leave. Who knew I could have been getting laid this whole time! haha jk

      I always get nervous when I'm standing at a stall right next to another guy, ESPECIALLY when there's no divider. I could never check out another guy's package who was pissing next to me, ugh that's disgusting.

      So what happens when two horny dudes make their interests known to each other? Do they check to see if a stall is available and sneak in together or does one of them buy the other lunch at the nearby Diner before taking him back to his truck?

  3. AGD: I too have a public urinal phobia -- the worse for me is when you walk away and your footware sticks -- which means you have been standing on splashes and drops of pee. Ewwww!

    1. I bet a lot of people also have that phobia, for good reason! Most public bathrooms, especially the rest stops off highways which I'm envisioning, are so grimy. They always have that musky scent of piss and cleaning chemicals lingering in the air.

      Standing in stale pee, ugh that's so foul. Those poor janitors...

  4. A friend and I once entered a public men's room near Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, that was especially dirty. After relieving ourselves at the urinals, we walked towards the sinks to wash our hands. The sinks were filthy. My friend said, "I know where my hands have been, and it is cleaner there than those sinks." And so we walked out without washing our hands!

  5. It's always fun to cruise a bunch of drunk straight guys at undivided urinals. This is a good way of seeing what they've got when their inhibitions have been impaired by drink!

    1. That didn't come off as sounding super creepy or anything.

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