Coming Out and Freeing Yourself

For some reason, I've been thinking about the coming out process a lot lately and how much it's transformed my life, so I'm going to revisit it. Coming out of the closet is hands down the best gift I have ever given to myself. If you're in the closet, just know you hold the key to your happiness. Don't expect everything to change over night, because coming out is a gradual process that takes time and healing. You're essentially nourishing your soul again. Heal it and it will bear fruit once again.

Coming out is the most freeing and comforting thing you could do for your mind, body and spirit. I used to constantly worry about having to censor what came out of mouth. I remember one time, I was driving with my parents and sister somewhere and I was afraid to take a nap in the car, with the fear that I would sleep talk and out myself. I'm not joking, that's how unbelievably fucked my brain was.

It feels so good to not have to worry about any of that ridiculous, mind-numbing paranoia anymore. I love being able to speak freely with my friends when a cute guy walks by and having the freedom to talk about dating, relationships and sex openly now. It’s vital to express your emotions instead of hoarding them.

I can remember every sensation, emotion, thought, and fear that flooded my brain on June 30th, 2010. The night I came out for the very first time to my older brother. Ross and I are eight years apart. Until he flew me out to Arizona to spend a week with him, back when I was in high school, I knew next to nothing about him.

He went off to college before I started 5th grade. The age gap prevented us from really knowing one another, until I was old and mature enough to kick it with him. He's now one of the first people I go to when I seek advice and he's an amazing guy. If you're ready to come out, chose someone that you're close to, that you know will provide comfort and reassurance. When you're first going through the process, you're fragile and you need to surround yourself around accepting and loving people.

 

The night I came out, I felt like I awoke from the Matrix of my own mind.