Monday, June 20, 2011

How To Meet Gay Guys

They have perfect teeth

I'm ready to start meeting other gay people. But that's the problem. How do I do it? I'm not into the gay club/bar scene and creating a profile on a dating website is sketchy. Of the two, I think the website is a better choice. I go to bars and clubs so seldom anyways and it's usually to dance with friends.

At least a dating website would allow me to be as selective as I want. The convenience is a plus too. It's basically like window shopping. On the contrary, you can never truly know a person by reading a 1000 word bio and some hobbies. It starts to get exhausting when you're talking to multiple guys at a time and I feel like I could be utilizing my time doing something more productive.

I tried the LGBT center on campus, as well as an LGBT group counseling session, but I didn't really mesh with any of the people there, except one of the lesbians.

Seriously, how do gay guys meet each other? I'll be out and see an attractive guy and have no idea if he's gay or not. Wondering if he's gay or not is always the first question I ask. This probably explains my love for people watching. I'm SO SHY around cute guys though. If I make eye contact, I can't help but look away. I don't want to come across as being weird.

27 comments:

  1. right there with you bud. and yooo, i love people watching lol malls or airports are the best places to people watch hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES! Malls and airports are the best, along with the beach of course :)

      Delete
  2. People watching can be fun, especially if you have a group of friends with you making up stories about their lives. But maybe that's just my friends.

    Honestly, I would think that the best way to meet people, would be through a friend you already know. People that I know tend to have at least one gay friend. Maybe that could be another option? Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha that sounds like a scene from Date Night with Steve Carrel and Tina Fey.

      Delete
  3. Yeah using the internet to find other guys is one of the most viable options. You could try and find guys who share your interest in guys in person, but the chances that you find someone that will admit it are slim and even slimmer that there will be a mutual interest. Using the internet has its drawbacks, like you said you can't know someone by reading their bio. That's why you just message and talk with them and if you're both comfortable with everything you can then meet in person. Besides if you did end up meeting a guy the old fashioned way how much would you know about him at first meeting him? Also using online methods to find people is becoming more popular regardless of sexuality even for people our age.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very true. I know so many of my friends who use Tinder now, which seems to be the most popular thing since sliced read atm. I tried it for a month or two, but I got so many matches that it made me overwhelmed and I found myself wasting too much time sitting around messaging dozens of guys. haha I sound so unromantic but I'd rather be using my time productively.

      Delete
  4. I'll admit I've met most of my gay friends online- adam4adam and craigslist

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never used adam4adam and I only use Craigslist for art advertisements. I'm glad you were able to connect and make gay friends on those sites though!

      Delete
  5. Does your school have a Gay Straight Alliance? That may be a place to start.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It did! I only went there once or twice though

      Delete
  6. the online dating is exactly how I've met most of my gay friends. There are definitely cool, normal people on there you just have to be careful I guess. Once you start talking to them it's pretty easy to tell. I've had like one gay friend who I've known for 2 years now and he invited me over to his house to watch the hockey game with his parents and friends there lol so that was pretty cool, cuz it wasn't just us solo going to get coffee or something.

    Other than that I just made it clear I'm looking for friends and I've chatted with like 4 or 5 really cool people, one or two who I'll probably stay in touch with and try to go out with more often when I get the time. Okcupid I found to be the best one. Craigslist is too one-way with having to respond to posts, etc... okcupid is decent and free, the questions also let you get a sense of how your personalities/views compare with that person.

    But ya man I hear you it's tough to find gay friends, definitely possible. Ya I would agree bars everyone's drunk and usually there with other people anyway. I was in the states yesterday shopping and there seemed to be tons of hot dudes lol did the same thing as you. Straight guys do it all the time they just admit it out loud hahahah nothing wrong with us doing it too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't know if you're a person of faith, but I can recommend getting connected with a LGBT-friendly church. United Church of Christ, Episcopal, Metropolitan Community Church are generally very open and welcoming (especially near college campuses & urban centers)but it varies by congregation. You don't have to join...just attend worship, offer to help with some local project. It's a great way to get to know others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the advice! I do listen to a church podcast every week by Glide, a gay friendly church located in San Fran. Too bad it's not closer :(

      Delete
  8. I personally like OK Cupid. It's one of the more cool and smart dating website out there. It also has a blog that publishes statistical findings of dating phenomenons:

    Check these out!
    blog.okcupid.com/index.php/gay-sex-vs-straight-sex/
    blog.okcupid.com/index.php/same-sex-data-race-reply/
    blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-messaging-advice-same-sex-charts/
    blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-mathematics-of-beauty
    blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont-be-ugly-by-accident/

    Enjoy!

    Try joining Queer student societies in campus (if there is any). You don't want to graduate and regret not having tried joining such queer student societies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I played with OkCupid in the past & I dabbled with Tinder but I'm just not the internet dating type.

      Delete
  9. Don't you feel it would much much better to meet someone from real life? You have LGBT society in your college and a such a supportive family which gives you a 'conducive' environment to have a normal dating life, i.e. getting to know a person in real life by bumping into each other accidentally in college or in library or through a friend, and possibly that love at first sight experience.

    Just my two cents.

    P.S. plus, you're not that good in responding emails right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you Blaine. My college did have an LGBT society but I didn't take advantage of it. I went to an LGBT counseling session with like 7 or 8 other gays but I just wasn't feeling it at all. They wanted us to talk about or feelings and I don't like opening up to random strangers on a personal level so quickly. I did befriend one of the lesbians who was super cool.

      LOL I've gotten much better at responding to emails so shoot me one if you'd like & I promise to get back to you within the next two years

      Delete
  10. AGD: Referrals from friends is probably your safest route, just let your friends and family know you are actively looking to date and they can set you up. LGBT orgs on campus might be another avenue.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am going to make a comment which may seem to come from left field, but I think it will help.

    When I started working with my new therapist about 18 months ago, he made in passing a remark which caught me up. He said, "Trust is not an issue for adults." Huh? He explained that trust is for children, who have no choice but to trust the adults who are responsible for them. Adults on the other hand have the ability to know whom to trust and whom not to trust. The quality which is comparable to trust in the child's work is balance in the adult world.

    The point is, that nearly always -- if you give your intuition a chance - you will know who to trust and who not to trust. That isn't a license to be stupid, like meeting someone you don't know in a dark alley in a big city at 2 AM.

    So take gradual steps, whether the first meeting is via the internet, the recommendation of a friend, or someone you meet yourself. Meet in a public place -- if that goes well, do something else in public -- whether it be dinner, or a movie, or [!] church. You will know what is right for you, and if you make a 'mistake,' you are probably still in a safe location and you will have learned something about yourself. It has been said that you have to kiss a lot of toads before you kiss a prince - so get going!

    The same thing is true for your earlier post. Others will, I am sure, disagree, but virginity in this day and age is not something to be guarded like Fort Knox. Sex is about the reaching out of our souls to one another -- think of erections that way -- and if your body is reaching out to another body, well, pay attention. Ask questions, don't be afraid to look foolish -- all of us have been there, plus there's a good chance the person you are with is as apprehensive as you are, and frankly there is something inherently funny-peculiar about the bizarre way we reproduce and about the way in which our bodies permit us to get close to one another through sex.

    And don't forget that 'successful sex' is really about the ability to integrate the physical, the psychological, and spiritual -- with someone else! This is a skill which must be learned in this culture, since most of us spend too much time in our heads or running so fast we can't appreciate our own bodies. Most of us don't get this balance right to start with - though some do -- and practice is important in arriving with your lover at that shared "blissed-out state" of intimacy which 'quickies' can never be successfully compared to.

    Really kissing a guy for the first time at age 62 was for me a revelation: bells rang in my head, lights flashed, I got INSTANTLY hard -- and all that had never happened with a woman. That told me what I had been missing all those years. I felt I was home.

    So interact, watch your own responses, this is a dance, celebrate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so happy that you found peace!

      I love your feeling on sex, I too feel the same way.

      Delete
  12. I've actually met many friends (and a few lovers) through blogging. Online sites are good too and really not sketchy (except for Craigs - that's really just for sex IMO).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How cool! Soccrkid is the closest friend I've made through this blog--we actually met once while we were both still in college and again right before we both graduated. Super cool dude.

      Delete
  13. Indeed... it was the same for me. This article was really excellent for all of us.

    ReplyDelete