Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Tomorrow is going to be an extremely stressful day for three main reasons…

One: I have my first exam tomorrow morning and I'll be up till 3AM studying for it.

Two: After my exam, I'm making my first real appointment with the counseling center. My screening session on Friday went better than expected, but I'm nervous to schedule my first real appointment. I don’t know who my counselor is going to be, what he/she is going to be like, if I am going to get anything out of it, what he/she is going to say to me, etc. The fear of the unknown. I've never been to a therapist, but it's paid for through my tuition, so I mine as well take advantage of the opportunity.

Three: I'm meeting up with the pastor of the on campus church group I attend every Tuesday. There's about 150 people who come, so it's fairly large. I began going last semester with some friends and I enjoy it. Some of the people there are a bit odd, but there's a lot of really friendly individuals as well. The preacher is a 30 something year old guy who's an Alum of my University. He's seems pretty knowledgeable and his dad is actually the pastor of a hugely successful church about 15 minutes off campus. After some brief chatting at the end of services, I decided to ask him if we could talk and if he could offer some spiritual insight on some things I've been dealing with. I know having a counselor will be great and very beneficial, but I also want to know what he has to say about being gay.

He agreed and we're meeting up tomorrow afternoon to talk in one of the lounge rooms in my dorm.

I know the words homosexuality and Christianity spark controversial and conflicting thoughts, but I want to know what he has to say. If things go bad, it'll be one more thing I can discuss with my future counselor.

I'm well aware that a lot of people believe homosexuality is a sin. They believe being gay isn't a sin, but acting upon your 'homosexual temptations' are sinful. Conservatives believe that everyone was born straight and during your life, Satan entered and started giving the homosexual person same sex thoughts, in his attempt to distance us from God and sanctity.

It's so easy to side with something when you're not personally affected by what it says. Spiritual people consider themselves children of God, but if God thought it was sinful, why wouldn't he retract those feelings that Satan supposedly instilled in us? Or why didn't Jesus say a single thing about homosexuality in the Bible? According to the Bible, Jesus was here on Earth for about 30 years. You would think he would have mentioned it, if it was something that would deny you from entering the Kingdom of Heaven.

I believe in the Trinity, so I take the Bible seriously, but it makes me question if the book is 100% accurate, or if people have tampered with it over the years. You know me and how little I trust the Government anyways...

So this post got pretty deep, what do you guys think?


  1. AGD: People will tell you a lot of things, you'll have to evaluate and sort things out as best as you can. There are other christian churches that accept gays as they are, without resorting to this fear mongering so you may want to get another perspective as well. So try not to limit your options. College is great time to explore yourself and expand your horizons as long as you keep an open mind.

  2. OMG, dear young man. How I pity you. Not for being gay. (Being gay is just as normal as being left-handed.) I pity you for having had the bad luck to be born and raised in the Bible-belt of Florida. Work toward getting out of there as soon as you can! If you'd been born, for example, in Seattle or Portland you'd have grown up with wonderfully stable, manly homosexual men all around you. And you would have lived among people who understand that it is not the gay person who is screwed up... it's a society which still lives in the Dark Ages that continues to see gays and lesbians as unacceptably different.
    If that minister helps you by supporting your passage through this difficult stage in your life, confide in him. If he tries to dump his Devil Talk on you, stop seeing him and trust in your new school counseller.
    You come across as a healthy, bright, kind young man.
    This difficult stage will soon pass.
    Try to be patient.
    The world is full of young men and women going through this difficult time in their lives. There IS happiness and light at the end of the tunnel.
    Get your butt out to the beautiful Pacific Northwest!
    Hey, your husky dog will even be happy!

  3. im sure you did great on your test and hope the meeting with the preacher went well :)

    ps-liking the new profile picture

  4. OMG, please don't listen to that Bullshit, Satan or the church have nothing to do with the fact that you were born gay, As if filling your head with lies is a "good and christian" to do. All these churches want to do is control you and your thoughts. You come across as a really nice guy and what you are going through is really hard, but believe in yourself, You know you are gay and that's the way you came out of the packet.

  5. you come across as a real smart guy so evaluate the messages you receive rationally. If you want a spiritual guidance who'll alleviate your troubles, that's fine, but don't let people alter your belief system and don't let other put you down so you fall into their system.

  6. I have never met a gay person who did not think they had been born that way. Whoever made you made you this way.

    I know from personal experience how difficult these things are to come to terms with. You need to look outside of your present environment for other sources of information and guidance and above all experience.

    Talk to other gay men about this not to straight folk who if truth be told will not understand your issues.

    I am not a practising christian but I was brought up as one and still have respect for the teachings of Christ as recorded in the gospels. Live your life acording to those and you will not go far wrong even if you end up as a non-beleiver. The gospels are ones of love for fellow men and say nothing about homosexuality. Those who preach at you for being who you are and were born are not following either the words or spirit of Christ.

    be happy and do good to others and love them. Do not fear or hate yourself that will only lead you to waste your life which is a gift from God.

    Good luck

  7. Hey AGD, it's a little disquieting not hearing a new post from you after your big day, i hope you are doing OK. Maybe you need some quiet time to process everything swirling around in your head, that's cool.

  8. Every single one of you who wrote, I cant thank you enough! You guys make me feel at such ease after reading your comments.

    fan of casey- My counselor actually gave me a list of gay friendly churches in my area so I am going to look into that. Keeping my options open is definitly key!

    Anonymous- I couldn't stop smiling after I read your comment :) Reading that was really cool to know that there are cities who are accepting of gay people(I though San Fran was the only one). I hope you keep reading my blog because your comments will be most appreciated!!

    Socrkid-Thanks man! Unfortunately the meeting didnt go so hot. :(

    Donncha- Thank you! You are right! I do need to start beleiving in myself instead of consulting others for their beliefs. I know I am gay, I know I was born gay, I know I will always be gay.

    Wolveriner- I think thats my biggest problem. I dont stand up for myself and what I believe so I fall into what others believe. But not this time. This is way to personal to no one is altering my beliefs on this.

    Archie- I couldnt agree more with this..."Talk to other gay men about this not to straight folk who if truth be told will not understand your issues." You are so right. I do need to start making gay friends as an outlet and a mindset familiar with my own. Thanks man!